Posted by shrinking violet on December 13, 2004, at 17:33:32
In reply to Saw T feeling a little better, posted by Poet on December 11, 2004, at 11:50:17
Poet, I'm sorry you were/are having a harder time, and that I'm just reading about it now.
I have a hard time with that "vulnerability" thing too. I feel it every time I sit in that chair, but it also comes at other times, when I'm one-on-one with someone who's trying to get just a tad too much personal information from me (my doc, the psych I met today for meds, my nutritionist somewhat although it's actually "easiest" talking with her b/c it's more about behaviors and eating stuff). I wish I knew how to make it better, but I'm finding that the more you fight the feeling, the harder it is. I tend to shut-down (as you know, lol), which isn't the greatest thing to do in therapy, and I push my T away a lot, especially emotionally, and now I'm in a place where I just don't want to share anything meaningful with her at all for a lot of reasons (although a lot of that is related to some recent happenings). In general, though, maybe the more you/I give into the vulnerability and push everything and everyone away who makes us feel that way, the harder it gets. And we're just protecting the thing(s) that are making us unhappy, etc, and causing us to need therapy in the first place.
I know it isn't as easy as I'm about to make it sound, but try to let your T in a bit. Try to trust her enough to feel that way with her, at least for the hour or two a week that you're with her. She sounds like she's very devoted to you, and that she does care about you (scary maybe, I know, for me too). Keeping your second appt was a really good step, and those little steps keep adding up. I hope someday you can call your T if you need to, but maybe thinking that far ahead is too scary. Maybe work your way up to it, and at least don't decide NOT to call her ahead of time. ;)
Take care, and be gentle with yourself ok?
Email me if you need anything.SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:426977
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/429017.html