Posted by Klokka on September 19, 2004, at 16:10:18
In reply to Re: Rough session (long) » Klokka, posted by Poet on September 18, 2004, at 14:33:18
Yeah, it has been hard after the break. I remember walking into his office last week (and the furniture had been changed on top of it all) and thinking "Wow, this should all seem so familiar, but... it doesn't." I of course remembered him but the session still felt odd, as though I was telling everything to a perfect stranger. Mind you, that did make telling him what I found easier, because it lessened the impact I expected from his expected reaction - though in the end it didn't matter because he reacted much more calmly than I expected. It reminded me of something the psychologist replacing him suggested - that I found it easier to open up to a stranger because there wasn't a relationship to fear losing or I didn't have to worry about getting too close. (I forget which exactly she mentioned. Maybe both.) I haven't brought that up yet, though.
Somehow I hadn't thought about the eye contact thing that way. It makes sense, though. I just remembering wanting to get out of there already... and of course at the same time realizing I'd feel awful if I did, in fact, leave.
I don't think I'll call him about it, because the phone's a tricky issue and I fear even leaving a message would make me too anxious. (He's forgetful, which means he has in the past forgotten to call me back by leaving my number at the clinic or whatnot... he did earlier put my phone number in his organizer, so I guess that's not too likely now, but the memory is too hard to deal with.) I will bring it up at the beginning of next session, especially since the other thing he forgot (something to back up the use of light therapy) is a good deal more important to me now because I'm about to spend $230 + shipping on a lightbox. (I might be able to get insurance to cover it, but due to family issues it may be more hassle than it's worth since I do have the money.)
poster:Klokka
thread:392325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392688.html