Posted by shortelise on September 18, 2004, at 22:07:50
In reply to Rough session (long), posted by Klokka on September 18, 2004, at 13:17:45
When I read what you write, all I can think is that you are deep in the process, that things seem so twisted, that you are so engaged in your relationship with your T, how he feels about you what you say to him, how you feel about him, and I think it's "good".
Maybe I think it's good beacause I have a really good psychiatrist with whom I have traversed similar terrain and who has helped me enormously.
Often I have had to say things to him that I thought might insult him, ask him question about how he treats me, what he meant, why he did or did not do certain things, etc. At first, when I didn't dare challenge him, he's say to me, "go on, I can take it." And he could, he always did, and he never got angry at me, though on many occasions I thought he was angry, thought he hated me, thought he believed I am stupid, all sorts of stuff. I'd say to him I think you're angry at me, and he'd ask why, and I'd tell him, and he tell me what it was he was feeling, and I'd challenge it, ask him why he - whatever - and he stayed with me, listened, responded.
If I were preceiving from my T what you are perceiving from yours, I'd tell him. Every last bit, every last feeling, observation, etc. At times I've written to him, short and sweet, blurting it all out. It helped, otherwise I'd be too afraid or inhibited, or worried I'd cry and not be able to speak.
I'd say, I don't think you'rehearing how important this or that is. I'd ask him why he was seemingly "editing". I'd put it all out there.
It is hard to test the trustworthiness of a trusted person. Especially if that trust has been betrayed in the past, in a childhood with a parent. But the job of the T is to stay with you, to be solid.I have learned that to get what I need, I sometimes have to ask for it.
I do really hope this helps. It does sound to me like you're in a tough place in therapy, and if you can tough it through, say what is on your heart and mind, it might help. In fact, I really do believe it does help.
ShortE
poster:shortelise
thread:392325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392461.html