Posted by shrinking violet on September 8, 2004, at 12:55:50
In reply to Re: I should be at my appointment right now . . ., posted by Aphrodite on September 8, 2004, at 12:30:21
((((Aphrodite))))
I'm sorry you are hurting right now.
I'm not sure what type of relationship you have with your T, but I think you should consider going back if only to allow him the respect of showing you how he would truly react to all you are sharing with him, rather than assume that he is ashamed of you or overwhelmed by you, etc. I struggle with believing and feeling that my T truly cares about me, because, why would she, especially as no one else has ever truly cared to show it before, and considering how much I loathe myself most times. But every once in a while I can look back and remember things she has said, ways she has looked at me, things she has done, that prove that she truly does care, and that I do mean something to her (and vice versa). I've shared with her more than I've ever shared with anyone, and sometimes the more I tell her, the harder it is to go back. The first time I cried (sobbed, really) with her, I cancelled my next appt two days later. But I then realized that I was running away, that maybe I met her for a reason, and the fact that she could reach me so deeply to get me to break down (something I never do, let alone with someone in the room), might mean something significant. Even the past couple of sessions, I've shared some embarrassing things with her. And tomorrow.... I dont know if I can face her. But I know I'll at least go there, and see what happens. And so can you. You CAN go and see him. If it's easier to not look at him direcctly, then so be it, but at least physically go there. Or at least call him. You're doing such great work. Dont let the guilt and shame keep controlling you.
I hope you do what's best for you, and for that little girl inside of you.
Peace,
SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:387740
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/388062.html