Posted by mmcconathy on September 7, 2004, at 22:01:19
Ok, listen this is serious i dont know what's going on.
This was stupid, but a while ago i was just in a state of incredible stress with a situation going on and i begged Ritchie to switch with me. I couldnt take it, i said he would consider it.
Right now i dont feel right, i feel like im on "automated pilot". I still feel like im matt, but then ill look at something and ill say, "that must be matt's", and i hear someone speaking to me in 1st person, asking me questions about where i was, my reactions are chagning to things, i dont know if im still me.
I just asked Ritchie where are you? He siad im here, with you. Ok, i dont know but i dont want to experiment with any of this personality crap, forget it, im scared i may lose control. I asked him whats going on, he said he's helping me.
Right before this happned i got that rush of that siezure coming on, i almost felt like i blacked out, then i just sort of woke up, but i never blacked out! i just felt like i was in 3rd person.
Right now i just asked him please, dont switch with me, he said, "fine, i told you this wanst a good idea", "i want you to handle it as matt"I asked him if he swithed and he didnt awnser.
Im starting to feel a little back to normal, i mean, i dont know, i dont think it happned, maybe it was just my mind playing games with me, like a placebo effect. Maybe. I hope.
My thinking chagned from what it usally processes, i was just laying in the bed, had no energy, i just asked Ritch please, i need you help, do something, and all of a sudden that siezure came on, but didnt feel i was acutally operating, like I said "auto-pilot", it was wierd, i dont know if i switched for a couple of minuetes or not, but i felt like i wasnt controling anymore, i dont know if Ritchie was or not, he wont awnser!
Im NOT doing that again, i may need to tell my therapist, Ritchie i know would not harm me, he's more like a dad taht watches out for his son, mixed with a big brother.
Ill keep you updated,
i dont think dissociation can happen, only in MPD i m not for sure.
But please give me your advice.
poster:mmcconathy
thread:387861
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/387861.html