Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2004, at 9:58:53
In reply to more termintion angst, posted by shortelise on September 4, 2004, at 0:19:16
I suspect you know that I am having the same feelings (about reduction - I'm not even trying for termination). And I suspect you know that I probably don't have much in the way of wisdom to offer you.
Part of what my therapist was laughing at yesterday was my stubborn insistence that it WASN'T FAIR that not only did I have to do something unpleasant, but I was being forced to do it myself. That doesn't make it easier. That adds insult to injury!! He finally understood what I was saying, but he didn't agree that it was so.
But of course, I'm not really doing it freely. I'm succumbing to the tyranny of the Shoulds. I'm doing what I think is "right". And while it's a free choice to do what I think is "right", I suppose, in another way it isn't. The decision to do what is "right" is sort of a global one for some of us. Then anytime anything is framed in terms of right/wrong our subsequent choices are limited by our over-arching choice. So it may be an autonomous choice, but it's not altogether a free one. Especially if the choice totally ignores other needs we have other than the need to do what's "right".
How freely are you really making this choice? Is it something you want to do for you? Or is it something you want to do for your family finances, your insurance company, your therapist's other potential patients?.... (your therapist? - do you feel that it's what he wants or do you want to be a good little therapy client and get better and leave?) If it's something you want to do to meet some of your needs (like being independent), are you ignoring other of your needs?
If you listen quietly inside, what needs are you afraid won't be met when therapy is no longer present in your life. Are you planning for other ways to meet those needs?
Is your therapist helping you figure out what your resistance to terminating therapy is about? Or is he just supporting your ability to do without him?
More questions than answers, but as you know I have no answers. The only suggestion I can think of is to find a time to be very still and open your mind to all the irrational thoughts you might prefer to keep at a distance. Put aside the knowledge that you are an adult and belief that you should only have adult thoughts, and really really listen and take them seriously. In that you try to find some way, even if it's not therapy, to address them.
I guess another choice would be to rip the bandage off quickly, live with the short term pain, with the knowledge that such pain rarely lasts for long. I think about that option sometimes, but I suspect there are some hidden costs involved there.
(Sorry to be so long there. I was thinking aloud about my own situation too. Trouble is that it doesn't help me much. I can't think of any alternate ways to get my needs met, because my need is for the therapeutic relationship with my own therapist.)
poster:Dinah
thread:386255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/386318.html