Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2004, at 16:25:34
In reply to Unconditional Self Acceptance, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 3, 2004, at 14:25:29
I've never believed in *unconditional* self acceptance, or *unconditional* other acceptance either. But if you take the *unconditional* out of it, I have a few ideas, on different levels.
I think that you can have a view or yourself that doesn't depend on your latest success or failure, or even longstanding strengths and weaknesses. You can accept yourself (or someone else for that matter) just as you are, and view your mistakes or triumphs as events separate from who you are at your core. You can decide whether or not you want to make the same choice next time, or if you can see areas where your performance could be improved, without thinking that you are a hopeless screwup or a worthless human being. And you'd accept your successes the same way, without them influencing your overall view of yourself. What people say about you wouldn't influence you as much, because you know who you are. I'm thinking this would be a very good thing, if it was based on a realistic self-assessment. Obviously, if a person constantly make the decision to hurt others, for example, and considers himself a kind empathetic person, a little adjustment in his self concept might be in order. But if you really are a kind and empathetic person, and make the occasional hurtful choice, you can view the choice as something you might need to change, but not as an indictment of your entire being. I think my therapist calls this ego strength.
The other level is sort of spiritual. In that every man, woman, child, dog, cat, butterfly (I'm working on roaches and ants) has intrinsic value just in *being* and without having to do anything to justify it. Every being deserves the best the world has to offer it. Every infant deserves love and care, and that really doesn't change as you get older. We deserve people in our lives that treat us well. We deserve better than to be belittled or verbally abused. That view doesn't excuse bad behavior. But even the most vile wicked wretch as ever existed can at some point in their life stop and say "I deserve to expect better of myself than this. I can't change the past, but from this point forward, I can begin to live up to the potential that I was born to because, gosh darn it, I am a worthwhile being."
Or, I suppose, you can accept yourself unconditionally as you are while still seeing room for change. (the cornerstone of DBT)
That's as close as I can come to *unconditional self acceptance*. Because I'm not even sure *unconditional self acceptance* without an self-expectations would be a good thing for people to have.
poster:Dinah
thread:386072
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/386109.html