Posted by DaisyM on September 2, 2004, at 10:11:14
In reply to Re: I'm not feeling too good about my decision » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on September 2, 2004, at 8:27:46
Dinah,
when I got up this morning, I was still trying to explain to Lucy in my head what I meant about my therapist "insisting" and why that felt OK. Your post helped me realize more what it is about.
It must be awful hard to hear your Therapist agree with the decision to cut back even when part of you knows it is over all the right thing. And he does still care about you, he doesn't care less, just because you go less.
In the decisions I've made for myself over my life, I have almost always done the "right thing." Even if it wasn't what I really wanted... I have a list a mile long. And usually it is the right thing for everyone else. And for most of my life I did the right thing without being told and usually without guidance. And without validation that it was the right thing. So in therapy, I've asked my therapist to advocate for the right things FOR ME, even when I'm going the other way because I think I should do what's best for everyone else. And I want guidance and validation around some decisions. We even went through this whole thing about "needing" therapy vs. "wanting" therapy. He kept asking, "what is wrong with "just" wanting therapy? It is OK to want something just for yourself." I still feel selfish about it at times.
I think you are getting those things from your therapist. Guidance and validation. Letting go of something, even partially, that is really special is bittersweet. I called it "tender grief".
Give yourself a break. You are bound to feel conflicted for a while. And if it isn't working, things can go back to the way they were. Even if you just want to.
poster:DaisyM
thread:385223
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/385644.html