Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2004, at 9:18:05
In reply to Disregarding T Advice..., posted by tryingtobewise on August 25, 2004, at 22:06:34
Hey, and I'm glad you joined us!
I do that all the time. I'm pretty sure therapists are used to that. If it were as easy as saying XXX would be better for me, and then we all did it, we probably wouldn't need therapists at all. They understand that it needs repetition and more repetition to begin to make changes.
Plus, they also understand that a lot of times there are more benefits to us in our present situations than we might think. A lot of times when I have trouble changing something, it helps me to take a second look at the benefits I gain from the situation.
I remember at one time there was a situation that was clearly stressful and not in my best interests. Yet my I never made any moves to change it even with my therapist's encouragement. Eventually, it was changed *for* me, by circumstances beyond my control. And voila! The benefits of the situation were readily apparent by their absence. I was getting a lot of hidden emotion benefits despite the emotional cost.
The same thing crops up over and over again at work. My work is objectively not good for me mentally or health-wise. Yet I never change it. But if I look to the intangible, but real, benefits that I get from my job, it's clear why it's so difficult to change.
So when I have trouble changing something that seems to clearly need changing, I start looking for the not so clear (and sometimes very well hidden) benefits I get from not changing, and am often frequently surprised.
poster:Dinah
thread:382392
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/382491.html