Posted by B2chica on July 2, 2004, at 21:15:42
GG & daisy!
i didn't chicken out.
can't thank all you enough for listening to me rant and still giving me such support.
my good friend gave me a little object of his that i could hang on to when i went today. it helped. i stared at it the entire time. i don't think i looked up at my T once not even at the beginning. i walked him through step by step how it happened.
he didn't say too much, just enough, in just the right places, asked a few questions to clarify...i liked that, it helped me continue.
but it did take the entire session for me to get through it all. (it's a two part-er).
He used the word that i think we may argue about for a while, i still don't think the first part(time) it can be classified as r*** (see can't even say it). but the second incident was oral and painful-he was rough and hurting me so i'm pretty sure it was. I am so exhausted. i came home and bawled and screamed into my pillow (as someone here suggested...thanks) cuz that helped.I told him he's the first person i've told all this to, i mean Really tell. i've only talked about this twice before, once in a very vague way to a friend cuz i was worried about her getting in a similar situation. and to a guy i was dating (again-vague). we were both drunk and i don't even know that he heard me.(he's now my husband).
I feel exhausted and sick to my stomach, but i feel really glad that i told him (myT). i feel real glad i got it out. Thing is, i think he thinks this is it-this is the reason i cut and now we can work on getting better. but this is the tip of the iceberg. i have other disturbing experiences that string back to i think me being 7 or 8. so i know i have a LOT more of these days ahead...i can't even think about that...that makes me want to stop. i'm not sure what my next step (experience) to share is, but i have a feeling i'll be putting his kids through college.i don't know what i'd do without babble.
Thank YOU!
i love you all SO much. you just will NEVER know how much each of your responses help me.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:362707
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/362707.html