Posted by snapper on July 1, 2004, at 11:56:21
In reply to To: snapper, posted by shadows721 on July 1, 2004, at 2:07:53
Hey Shadows, whats up? I have been wondering about you too!My days have been looooong and agonizing. I wish this were not the case, but it is!I seem to get no respite from the constant pressure in my head. I wish I could turn off my brain!I don't have another ECT treatment til next wed.(July 7th) the dr. is out of town at a Mental Health Conference.I asked them if the break in the treatment protocol would effect the overall outcome of the full scheduled 12 treatments, and they said no it would not! I want to get them over with so they can effectively treat my anxiety problem. The only thing that I am taking now is 12mg Gabatril at night with 20 mg of Ambien and that knocks me out for a few hrs but its' not a restful sleep.Then when I do wake up in the A.M., I take another 10mg Ambien and 1 4mg Gabatril to coax my brain into a few more hrs of broken sleep. If I could sleep 16 to 18 hrs a day, I would! If I did'nt know better, I would kill myself! But somewhere , I know that there is hope from this continual mental anguish! There isn't an hour go by that I don't think about death but there is too much that is keeping me from it! The migraines, the tinittus, the hyper-vigilance, the sensitivity to lights and sounds is sometimes too much. I feel like my body and brain are slowly but surely, failing and falling apart on me.I feel like a waste and a complete loser! I can't believe that I ever allowed myself to get this sick! I am thankful for this place. It seems like Babble is my only refuge right now! I don't find solace or comfort in sleep, in music or watching TV. Just too much violence on TV and it seems so sensless. Music is not much comfort either. So I isolate out of neccessity. People say not to do that when one is depressed, but I do it so I don't go on sensory overload and end up hurting something, someone or myself. I guess its just self-preservation. I'll quit ramblin...if anyone has anything good to say, I'm all ears. I know I can't be the only one who is or has gone through this kind of BS.There must be a way out! Thanks for listening and reading!
Snapper
poster:snapper
thread:362120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/362297.html