Posted by tabitha on June 24, 2004, at 2:08:12
In reply to Re: Prodigal therapy client returns » tabitha, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2004, at 19:24:25
Thanks for the admiration. It feels undeserved somehow. I feel like I'm just flipping back and forth, between utterly exposed/devastated/sobbing last week, into cool/unemotional/competent/closed this week. That's safety mode for me. But being so cool and on my best behavior has left me with a residue of outrage. I still feel wronged, by my enemy, and my T. Why did she pick that moment to dump on me? I was utterly exposed, and thinking it was completely safe-- there were only 3 of us there, all women, and I was sharing the depth of my anguish, and *boom!* I get her attack. And I'm still affected by it. It's re-activated my shame, I'm doing things rather compulsively trying to cover the shame, or hide the problem, running in circles, and now I've just settled into safe mode (cool, unemotional, logical, competent). But I'm still raging inside when I think about it.
This is why group is so tiring, I come out of the sessions OK, then given time away, I get more and more angry about what happened. Then I go into individual and argue about it. I feel like a rather exhausted hamster in a wheel.
poster:tabitha
thread:359289
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/359673.html