Posted by B2chica on May 27, 2004, at 9:34:13
In reply to Re: info... » B2chica, posted by Angel Girl on May 26, 2004, at 13:22:39
>Her therapist is aware of it now so he is working on it with her.
**VERY glad to hear this!
> Do you go to therapy for yours?
-when being released from the hospital i was required to set up at least one session with a psychologist. Luckily i really liked him and i'm still seeing him...but it's only been two months or so, so it's slow but i am there and he knows about the SI.-he hasn't kicked me out yet.>>Is it so strong of an urge that you can't use a more positive why to deal with your pain?
-YES!!!! Nothing else even comes CLose to helping....NOTHING.>>Aren't you afraid that you're really going to hurt yourself,
-Sometimes>>especially when you cut your wrists, couldn't that be dangerous?
-yes it can be. i used to SI when i was younger on my wrists all the time but they were not deep (i would blame the cat :)
-i've only done my arms a couple times and higher up on arm not wrists...and that's because i was ready to commit S. and forced (and i mean forced-as i was bawling) my blade a few inches higher...think i did hurt a muscle that time, two fingers were tingly for about 2 weeks.
-Yes it is dangerous. you need to keep blade clean and take care of cuts when done.>>I don't mean to pry, I'm just trying to understand why a person would continue doing it or in your case you don't recall doing it for several years and now you're doing worse than you ever did.
-My emotions became uncontrollable, didn't know how else to deal...i had nothing...the first cut was to avoid slicing my wrist. From there i moved to legs/thigh so people wouldn't see and so it wouldn't be so tempting to cut too deep on wrist.Believe me i've tried about everything else..still do (journal, draw, music...)
-FYI, when i was in the Hosp. i did make a sad attempt at slicing wrists because i wasn't able to SI, one night i found a piece of metal and started on my wrist, luckily it was too dark and i really messed things up made about four slices -two needed sutures- but didn't do the job right.>> Would you do it immediately after something happened that upset you or could it be hours or days later?
-Yes and Yes>>I guess I don't understand why a person would continue to SI when they know there is more positive methods of dealing with things.
-I don't know about others but for me it's not really a concious decision..."oh, i hurt so i think i'm going to cut today.." I'm usually at the edge of the cliff and think i have nothing....but wait, if i allow myself to cut a little then i won't die today. Sometimes i just want to rip my body to shreds, it's not that i want to die but just tear myself up because of the emotions inside. I think it is something that is REALLY difficult to explain and to understand if you've never done it.
It provides almost a safety net. A type of security. Sometimes it's the only thing that stands between me and a coffin. It may not be the best coping mechanism...but it works, so i try not to beat myself up about it when i do do it. I tell myself, i AM seeing a professional and when the time is right, i will SI less and less and eventually stop. (thanks cubic_me and flb!!!!)
I can only hope.
B2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:344489
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/351067.html