Posted by karen_kay on April 23, 2004, at 18:40:48
In reply to Re: As requested, but are you sure you want it hear?, posted by pegasus on April 21, 2004, at 18:10:17
he claims that he learned it's best not to have seperate and individual sessions during group. and seeing a different therapist while seeing him would probably be out of the question. i realize this mess is rather silly, on both of our parts. but, i've been thinking lately....oh, dear god, when karen starts thinking, it's trouble. but, this would be a great opportunity to address certain issues i have, such as my idea (or rather fact as i see it) that i'm going to die young. and, the idea (also fact as i see it) that i can't bear children. so, i think it's a wonderful chance to accomplish or overcome these particular fears i have....
i know that it doesn't sound like me to put up with this type of thing. but, i've also decided that i should put some issues on hold for a while. i do realize that some of the traits i possess (the need to help people stems from my need to be taken care of, due to my neglect as a child) are interferring with my life to a certain extent. but, at the same time, i just wonder if it's now a bad thing? is it really a bad thing to want and need to help people?
i know that in the past i wouldn't stand for this. and i know that in the past i would have marched into his office and said, "well sir, you are fired. and, i'd like to speak with your supervisor about your lack of professionalism and incompetence." but, i think that perhaps this is a chance for both of us to learn. or, then again, perhaps i just have no spine. or, then again, maybe i have the ability to form emotional attachments and i have one with bubba? i wish i had an analyst in my brain to figure out my own thoughts, you know? i'm following my gut on this one and seeing where it takes me. i just don't think i'mready yet to open a door again that will be slammed in my face once more, you know? it wasn't pleasant the first time it happened and i don't want it to happen again. i'm not ready to start talking about my father, only to have someone say, "well, you're moving, so we have to stop." and then try to find yet another therapist i'm comfortable with... i'll wait until i have plenty of time.
and i do agree that he sounds like he's more invested in his interests than mine. but,i think that in his heart he believes this is what is best for me. and i always go with hearts more than brains. i've trusted him this long. if something bad is to happen, then i'm sure to learn from it, you know? and i like to think that when bad things happen i'm pretty good and learnign from then and putting a positve spin on it.... however, on the other hand, i do wonder about having yet another man in my life controlling me and using me for hisown perosnal gain. of course, that's in the back of my mind. but, i try to keep it back there. i keep my eyes open, don't worry. if i'm not learning from the group at all, i'll not go. or maybe i will... oh good grief! see, i'm indecisive and i overanalyze. and i try to look at things from all angles. good lord,i wish i had someone telling me what to do, and doing it for me. and i wish i could just ride the bus all day long, and just talk to people... sorry, you had to listen to all of this :)
poster:karen_kay
thread:338201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339313.html