Posted by Racer on April 18, 2004, at 15:25:39
In reply to the inconsistent therapist « paltiel, posted by Dr. Bob on April 17, 2004, at 11:02:41
I don't know about inconsistency, but I can tell you that I'm having a hell of a time lately with therapists who just don't pay attention to what they say! With the sensitivity of the therapeutic relationship, patients can be devastated by offhand remarks, or hear something implied that is not necessarily the message the therapist is trying to send.
For example, one of my recent therapists mentioned that my pdoc said that I was "hypervigilant" about side effects of medication. Well, maybe I am. The problem is, once I heard that in increased my fear of discussing my medications with the doctor. Mind you, it was second hand -- I don't really know what he said, after all -- and it probably wasn't meant as a put down, but I experienced it as a way of saying that my experience of the medications wasn't relevant. Guess what? I'm too afraid to go back to the doctor now. I try to tell myself that -- hypervigilant or not -- what I feel is real, and deserves to be taken seriously, but I just can't make myself go back in there. I don't think the therapist meant to send that message, do you?
I guess what it comes down to is that there are three elements to communication:
1. What is meant by Party 1
2. The words said by Party 1 and heard by Party 2
3. The message received by Party 2These three things can all be different, and this dynamic does matter. It's all well and good to say that words don't matter, or that communication should be free and easy and not involve a lot of thought, but you know? The reality is that a lot of us hide how devastating what we receive is to us, and each of these little blows can build upon others until we just can't open up and trust in a therapeutic relationship anymore.
That's pretty much where I am at this point, and it's frustrating, it's frightening, and it didn't have to get to this point.
So, there's a little bit of a view from the other side of the couch.
poster:Racer
thread:337151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/337450.html