Posted by Racer on April 14, 2004, at 18:00:27
In reply to Need advice on getting out of social isolation, posted by 1980Monroe on April 14, 2004, at 17:00:02
First of all, it sounds as if a new therapist might be in order. Not all therapists are created equal, so another therapist might have better skills in helping you with this. Secondly, you sound like me at that age. I'm sorry you're going through it, because i remember how rough it was, but I'm happy that you're working on it now, rather than later.
That said, what to do, what to do? Here are a few ideas, for whatever they're worth to you:
1. Find something that interests you. It might be sports, it might be knitting, it might be political work, it doesn't matter what it is, just as long as you have a real interest in it. It doesn't have to be "fashionable," because you don't have to talk to anyone about it -- outside the people you share it with, that is. That's right, the next step, once you've found whatever interests you, is to get involved with it. For me, the only thing that kept me going were horses: I'd spend every hour at the barn, where I could talk to people, because I didn't have to come up with conversation. I could talk to people, because I could either ask questions, "Why do you lift your hands that way when you come around the corner towards that fence?" Or I could tell someone something I saw, "Did you know that you drop your outside shoulder and kinda zigzag your back on your turns?" Or just compliment, "Wow! You looked great out there! No wonder the judge pinned you!" So, get involved with whatever interests you.
2. Check out volunteer opportunities around your area. Maybe visiting a nursing home, reading to the blind, coaching special olympics, socializing animals at the local humane society. Most volunteer organizations are always aching for people, and they treat their volunteers so well! Many times you'll just be too into whatever you're doing to worry about being withdrawn, and other times the other people involved will ask you questions, or make conversation with you.
3. Join your school's debate team. It may be a nerdy thing to do, but it does help.
Part of your problem, I'm guessing, is that you're not getting involved in things outside your school. High school is not like real life. Sure, the cheerleaders always seem to win no matter where they are, but in Real Life, people have a lot of interests beyond what you hear about in school. It wasn't until I got involved with people in college that I realized how much my view was slanted by the clicques in high school, and feeling unpopular and as if I didn't get it at all. It felt as if everyone else had a rule book that I'd never seen. Turns out, it had more to do with me just not being interested in the same things that most of my peers were interested in. Once I got to college, where I started meeting people who were interested in more of the same things I was interested in, a lot of it eased for me.
Another problem I had in high school, though, was that I never found out what intested me. The classes were too crowded, the teachers too harried, and I didn't get a lot of the kind of teaching I got in college. It really was in college that I learned things like, gee, biology was the most fascinating subject there has ever been. No way to learn that in my high school -- we were so overcrowded, there was no bio lab for most of us!
So, in conclusion, good for you for working on this now. Think about reaching out beyond school, where many of your peers are as insecure as you are if not more so; get involved in something that interests you, because you'll meet other people who share that interest; and good luck to you.
poster:Racer
thread:336405
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/336430.html