Posted by DaisyM on March 26, 2004, at 17:37:35
In reply to 99% of conflicts are at the feelings level, posted by 64Bowtie on March 26, 2004, at 15:46:06
The easy answer to those questions is yes, of course. But there are underlying assumptions that may not be true or present.
LIKE: most people who see the same thing, describe it differently. Do you know the story of the 5 blind monks and the elephant? Depending on where you stand, how it feels and what your previous experience has been, will determine how you see the "facts".
As far as acting like adults, I think we all agree that remnants of childlike behavior are always hanging around. For some of us, our "inner child" has not been completely integrated. So if something triggers that child, the resulting behavior may be far from adult like. And conflicts tend to trigger childlike responses.
Most importantly, I don't think pledging alligance or not is as easy as you make it sound. Many of us KNOW we should disconnect from certain individuals in our life, but instead we increase the head-banging to try to change them, or ourselves, enough to fix the situation. It is an unexplainable hold, especially if it is family, to want to agree with this important person, or to avoid conflicts with them. The vulnerability to have this person hurt us is pretty huge and again, triggers the child.
I guess we can agree in theory but it is definately easier said than done.
poster:DaisyM
thread:328600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/328820.html