Posted by DaisyM on February 27, 2004, at 10:45:42
In reply to Re: Needing Your Therapist/Cycles » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on February 27, 2004, at 9:14:06
Karen,
I have to go to work, but wanted to respond to your post right away. I will get back here today for the others...I still cringe when I think about how needy I can get and how clingy it must feel for my Therapist. The turning point for me was when he straight out told me that learning to call him and tell him what was going on, was part of MY therapy. We've had a million talks about abandonment, being strong for everyone else, doing it yourself, etc., etc. But it has gotten more and more apparent that the huge empty feeling inside is an intense longing for intimacy. And I was hurt so young and so deeply that it has always been too scary to really let anyone in to see my needs. So they never got met.
So, I force myself to call when I'm feeling rotten or scared. Sometimes I just say, "I'm not doing well" and he usually responds with a simple, "tell me what's going on" and I swear I almost always say, "I don't know, I just feel like I'm going into the black hole again" and he will then back me up and we will walk through the past hours or days to find out the trigger, or understand what the feelings are and why they have emerged. It is typical for me to try to wiggle away from this exploration with a lot of "I guess it JUST is... or I'm probably just..." and he tells me don't dismiss it, don't repress it or just to stay with it and try to sort out the feelings. Sometimes he says just go ahead and cry and sometimes we can't figure out what is wrong but he reminds me he is in "it" with me, whatever it is. And he always says, "I'm glad you called me." And it helps. A lot.
But I still have to force myself, EVERY TIME, to pick up that phone and ADMIT I need him. You will probably need to do this too, force yourself. It is scary, because it makes you so vulnerable. For me, having him tell me it was part of my therapy made it the right thing to do, and I always try to do the right thing. LOL
*sigh* I wish I could tell you it was getting easier but I still worry about bugging him, about being the pain-in-the-a** client...you know the list. But since therapy is suppose to be about me, and since I now know the fastest way to put myself back together is to call him, I do it.I don't know if this helps or not. but opening yourself up can be OK, even if it is scary. (I'm amazed as I type this that I'm typing this. Growth? or maybe just a calm day?)
poster:DaisyM
thread:318100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/318211.html