Posted by DaisyM on February 2, 2004, at 0:32:18
In reply to Re: Therapist honesty » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on February 1, 2004, at 13:22:32
I've read through this twice, trying to put into words what I feel. I'm not sure if my Therapist holds "tight" boundaries...he is not a blank slate and does answer questions like: yes, he has kids, he told me his sign (we were talking about my birthday) he told about an author he met that we both have read, etc. He has refused to answer questions though, but we explored why I asked and he tells me why he won't answer. We start and stop on time, but he encourages calls in-between as needed and extra sessions (these are paid for, of course.) But it feels to me like he knows how to be personable without being too personal -- does that make sense?
I also appreciate his humor and wit - and the fact that he appreciates my intelligence. I don't want someone who treats me either as immature or as unobservant. (He told me once that he was aware that I missed NOTHING.) But he doesn't tell me his problems, ever, and I wouldn't engage in "his sexual fantasy" conversation with him for a number of reasons but mostly because I want to keep him in the role of someone I respect professionally. Otherwise I would quickly move into the authority role, taking over as the one in charge, as the one teaching and leading and remove any vulnerability that might be present. Maybe the best way to put it is that he seems very mature and secure with himself so we can focus on me.
So, I guess I think that while each Therapist should be flexible about disclosure, they should know themselves and their personally selected boundaries very well and be consistant about adhering to them. I think a lot of the pain and confusion I've seen posted has to do with boundaries that move-- either suddenly tighten up or get too loose.
Dinah's right -- Disclosure should be done when it is either inconsequential or theraputic to do so -- but never lightly and without fore-thought. And it might be that we don't like it, it might be painful (Racer's analogy of hand-therapy - painful but necessary to get better) but ultimately it is what we need.
It makes me think, in some ways, of being the boss. You want everyone to like you, you'd like to be their friend but most of the time you can't be. You have to "enforce" the rules. This doesn't mean that we don't apply the rules individually but most of the time the rules were created to protect both of you. Ignoring the rules in favor of "being nice" usually backfires...lessons learned the hard way.
poster:DaisyM
thread:308062
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308380.html