Posted by EscherDementian on February 1, 2004, at 10:54:23
In reply to Letting Go..., posted by Pandabear on January 31, 2004, at 22:06:02
>> Recently, My therapist suggested that I get rid of the relationships in my life that are causing me more harm than good...the "stressers" in my life. I am having to learn how to let go and it is so hard for me.
>>It is a very wise, courageous thing to do, and we all know that it's not courage unless you're terrified...
The difficulty of this higher form of self-care stems from taking the familiar loving tenderness in us that we nurture our bonded relationships with, to an unknown level of experience that requires rejection IS a hard thing to do. But know this to be true, Pandabear: it's not permanent. It's just for right now. Letting go because your higher self calls to you to do this now, need not be a permanent condition. It's just for now. Your allowance for the energy dynamic to flow differently in response to your own soul evolving and healthful strengthing is IMPORTANT. Letting go doesn't have to be a forever goodbye. Just a "for now.... ">
>> I have this friend who is a good friend to me but she is so frustrating to me and i feel that our friendship is a lot of times one sided. I feel that right now I need to back off from her and be focusing on myself right now with everything that I am dealing with..my ocd and depression and anxiety...besides ...she is really making my anxiety rise.
>>Rising anxiety unrelieved can develop into a very dangerous thing. It can escalate from subtle to terrible serious imbalances... before we're finally taking on damages to our psyche and functional holistic health.
>
>>PLUS, we spend so much time together that it has kept anyone else from getting to know me...and so I am trying to branch out and meet new people and make new friends...but she is taking it as me being rude to her...I have been told that I need to meet more people and get involved so Im trying to.
>>Good for you~! nurture your instincts with courage. Guilt tripping you for your loyalty or isolation is a manipulation issue not to be catered to but comimg up on her part to be healed by her herself.
>
>>My mother however is starting to think that I am only thinking of myself. We got into an arguement over the fact that my medicine is making me feel so weird and she thinks its crazy that I might be changing medicines again and was asking me if my therapist has talked to me about getting more involved and volunteering and focusing on someone else for a while. Which yes, she has talked to me about that..but the way my mom said it made it seem like she thought I am only thinking of myself.
>>Don't take that in as a character flaw. We all sometimes need to think of our own wellbeing formost at occasional times for occasional reasons. We learn to distinguish our inner voice of instinct/intuition/reason from our id ego vanity greed selfishness by allowing ourselves to experience our choices with their results.
>
>>Excuse me, but I need to be focusing on myself right now and how I can make myself better. I have to be taking care of myself. I agree that volunteering is a good thing but I told her I have NO CONTROL over how the medicine makes my body or me react and that even if Im volunteering or doing something didnt mean that my mind wasnt going to be racing or that i wasnt going to be depressed or anxious about something or even obsessing over something. ...She got really irritated. I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. I dont have any control over what she or anyone thinks of me and if they think im being selfish thinking of myself right now..what can i do? Im not doing well right now and yes i am concerned but I think Im doing right by focusing on myself...it isnt wrong is it? Right now my medicine is making me dizzy, confused...my thoughts race and my anxiety is back up...and im obsessing..so yes, I do have things Im dealing with and the fact that my mom will not support me and thinks im making it all up really hits me hard. Does anyone think that my reasoning is wrong ...should I not be concerned and thinking of making myself better? I hate it that my mom is not more supportive. My dad however being the doctor that he is, gave me a hug and told me after my mom left the room that he just wanted me to take care of myself, and talk to my therapist. I proceeded to tell him that I wasnt making it up that the medicine was making me feel weird and he said he knew i wasnt. So at least I have his full support...and he doesnt even know a lot about the different medicines for mood disorders and all..so thankgoodness he is being supportive. This is so frustrating!!! Im just trying to do whats right!!!!!
>>From what i've read here, my sense is that your right in following your own reasoning here - if for for no other reason than to experience courage, reponsibility and consequences of your current resonse to your life situation(s). You MAY be "wrong"... but in IMHO, it's never wrong to find out when i'm 'wrong' and a different action could have been chosen. (Mistakes aren't 'wrong"; they _imform_ our life).
Mothers have a hard time letting go, too. And which is likely to be a possible source of that criticising conflict and resistance to supporting you. She's learning how, too, in this transition, to let go, would be my guess. Be strengthened by your father and the therapist's support.
Stay Genuine~ :)
It's rough, but you're doing fine.i thinkEscher
poster:EscherDementian
thread:307950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/308090.html