Posted by Lonely on January 30, 2004, at 0:35:29
In reply to Re: Wondering About Therapy, posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2004, at 23:45:18
Thank you. I was upset when I was writing and was a bit flippant/tongue-in-cheek/creative (?) (not sure how to describe it)when I used the phrase "dual relationship anxiety." "Dual relationships", as I understand the term from reading on the 'net, means a situation where a therapist knows someone personally and also works with them in some sort of psychologically theraputic role. Normally that is frowned upon strongly, but I have read of cases, one in particular, where a therapist worked with a couple in a couples counseling situation even though he knew them socially. It did work out well and their marriage improved. I can tell you the name of the article if it's allowed here on the message boards. I tossed in the term "anxiety" with "dual relationships" because I feel like the therapists I know have gone a bit too far in being aloof and are much too anxious about having any relationship outside of the 45 minutes in the office - a highly contrived arrangement, albeit standard. Yes, I do want professionalism and I definitely do not want a physical relationship but I think I could benefit from some different approaches to therapy even to the extent that the person sees me in professional and social roles to give me feedback and help me improve.
Another place where I think the professional distance was taken too far was when my therapist died last spring. I was advised by a mutual friend to see her in the hospital. I did ultimately go up to see her but stalled around because I was afraid that if she survived she would be angry but of course, if she didn't survive I would never see her again. I actually did not see her because she was exhausted which was understandable; if I had gone earlier and not stalled around I might have seen her again. Missing that last chance has been very painful for me. There's way too much left unsaid and undone and forever without closure. To me that is a case of the fear of dual relationships gone amuck. I still tear up and feel hurt when I think about it.
You've made some interesting suggestions that I'd really like to follow up on. Could I ask you what a "client centered approach" is? Would I use that exact phrase if I was interviewing a potential therapist over the phone? Is that a type of therapy that is typically practiced by an LMSW? A psychologist? LMSWs seem to be far more commonly found in our insurance. What is psychodynamic?
Yes, I think you've hit the proverbial "nail on the head" when you said that it sounds like the relationship is most important to me. I think that's quite true - I guess I'm a fairly emotional person.
Thank you for your insights - it helps.
> I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a T like that. I'm so sorry for your loss and the subsequent struggle to find someone else with whom you can develop a therapeutic relationship.
>
> Can you say a little more about the dual relationship anxiety? I am a little confused about that.
>
> But based on what you did post, I wonder what orientation your T's have been. You sound as if you would like a more client-centered approach or perhaps even psychodynamic. Either way, it sounds as if the relationship is most important to you rather than any specific advice given to you. You might ask your current T what her orientation is and how she describes your problem. This may give you insight into whether or not she "gets it." If not, you can help her to understand better what is going on with you and what you are looking for in a T.
>
> Remember, this is YOUR therapy. She is working for you, and you are entitled to ask for what you need. If she is unable to provide it for you, perhaps when you are again able to change T's you can ask for a referral to someone who's orientation and practice is more suited to what you are looking for?
>
> I wish you the best. It sounds like it has been a difficult road lately. Good luck.
>
> gg
poster:Lonely
thread:307126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/307143.html