Posted by All Done on January 28, 2004, at 13:32:25
In reply to Re: Transference and SOs - Miss Honeychurch » All Done, posted by Dinah on January 28, 2004, at 12:54:39
> I wonder sometimes if the emotional intimacy with our therapists isn't some sort of betrayal of the vows.
>
> But since my transference is purely maternal. And since my husband knows full well (and it's true) that I don't have enough in common with my therapist to enjoy spending time with him outside of sessions or even to want him as a friend, my husband isn't really jealous. Although my husband mentioned once that he thought my therapist was attractive, but he knows what physical "type" I find attractive and my therapist isn't it, so he wasn't overly concerned about it.
>
> But is it ok to tell our therapists things we would never tell our husbands? And if we didn't have therapists would we be forced into closer intimacy with our husbands? I can't think that would be a good thing for our marriage.....
I do feel like I'm betraying or cheating on my husband in a way. It seems so wrong that I've been comparing the two of them all the time and it's even worse when Beefcake "wins".Recently, I've found myself hesitating to tell my husband some things because I know he won't or can't give me as "good" of a response as my therapist will. Would I have even brought these things up if I didn't have Beefcake, though? I'm guessing no because I'm thinking about so much more now that I'm in therapy. These things probably wouldn't have crossed my mind before and they're coming up because of therapy, so I guess it's only natural that my therapist is the one to help me work through them.
As far as intimacy goes, I think Beefcake is teaching me about intimacy so I can be more intimate with my husband and have some level of intimacy with others in my life. I think there are many different levels of intimacy, it's just that the therapeutic intimacy feels so close to perhaps the highest level. Can we ever really achieve this with anyone, though, or do we just get different levels from different people?
I guess I'm clinging to the belief that if therapy is working to make me a better person for myself, my husband will be able reap the rewards as well. Maybe unfortunately, though, Beefcake isn't teaching my husband as well : (. So then what? And does the end justify the means? (Oops! Did I just say end? What end? :))
poster:All Done
thread:306461
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/306476.html