Posted by Catmom on January 24, 2004, at 12:21:11
I have not posted here much of late because I'm having some difficulty processing something that's going on in therapy and if anyone can give me clear feed-back I would appreciate it greatly.
Here's the situation: 2 weeks ago my T's cell phone rang. She rushed out of the office with it and was gone for 4 minutes. I had been talking with her about how I feel like such a patsy, letting people walk all over me, taking advantage of me, not respecting me. So I was in a place where I was revealing a great deal of inferiority about my ability to stand up for myself.
Sitting alone for 4 minutes in the T's office feels like a lot longer than 4 minutes.
Near the end of the time, I was starting to feel hurt and angry. I was angry (unreasonably, I admit) because her cell phone had such a "cheerful" ringing sound to it.
It was quite close to the end of the session. I decided that I would probably begin to cry to I thought I would hand her the check and leave when she returned. I did that; I told her that I felt I had to leave.
She said: "My mother's very sick; dying, and I'm the only doctor in the family so I had to take care of a family emergency."
Quoth I: "This tugs at my heart-strings," so I sat down and asked her a few general questions about whether she felt supported, etc. I apologized for what she called an "over-reaction."
It makes sense at her age that she would be dealing with the possibly illness and/or death of aged parents, but to tell the truth I had never really thought of that. I am now really wondering: she's never revealed anything personal to me. I don't know if she's married (suspect she is, but I don't know for a fact). I know nothing about her except that her mother is dying.
It makes me want to know ONE cheerful thing. The next week I felt that I had to spend the entire time apologizing for my insensitivity.
But yet....I am left with the same feeling: was I walked over? Wouldn't it have been more emotionally satisfying to me if I had been able to walk out? (And I am not the kind of person who walks out of situations, but it would have been expressing my opinion with my feet).
Now I'm left feeling that of course if she needs to interrupt my session to talk on the phone, that she must do so. I'm left feeling that it will be callous for me not to spend time asking her about how her mother's doing.
Yes, I know that therapists are real people with real lives and real losses. Am I selfish to feel a bit resentful or to feel that she's poisoned the wells a bit?
Thanks in advance for any response.
poster:Catmom
thread:304999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/304999.html