Posted by fallsfall on January 12, 2004, at 8:43:36
In reply to I'm a mess, posted by cntwinkle2 on January 12, 2004, at 1:42:26
C.,
I'm really sorry you are having a hard time. I wish that you could be out having fun.
I certainly understand your frustration at having tried various meds and having them not help. Meds effect each person differently, so the doctors don't really *know* what a particular med will do for a particular patient. They try what has worked for lots of people, but you are not "lots of people". You are you. And you may react differently. Were these meds prescribed by your regular doctor? Sometimes it helps to see a Psychiatrist for Psych meds. Psychiatrists deal with anxieties and depressions all day long, so they have more of a background in what might help. They also have more time to research the Psych meds because they don't also have to keep up on Blood Pressure and Pain and Diabetes meds at the same time. [I'm not a doctor, but the meds you listed, Effexor and Gabitril, wouldn't necessarily be my first guesses for anxiety. Maybe there are other things going on that your doctor saw that you haven't mentioned? Or maybe the doctor misunderstood when you talked about your symptoms?]
I certainly understand why you are reluctant to go back to school. The last time you were there it was awful! But you do know that you want to get on with your life, and at your age that includes going to school. So it would be really good if you could find some help that would make it possible for you to go to school WITHOUT the panic attacks. Understand that the goal is to make it so the panic attacks *don't happen*. The goal is NOT to force you to sit in school while you are panicking.
I would encourage you to try some Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. Most therapists are very kind and understanding. They want you to be able to live your life without the agony that you have had. A therapist will CERTAINLY understand that you are very scared about going to school - and will try to help you learn how to fix that AT YOUR PACE. It sounds like you are pretty calm now except for your school issues. A CBT therapist will try to help you keep that calm, but will slowly introduce school "things" into your life. Everybody is different, so your therapist may take a different approach - but this would be my guess. First they might ask you to talk about school - this may make you scared at first, but then you might find that it isn't quite so scary to talk about it. When you are comfortable with that, they may have you drive past your school - no stopping - just drive past. The next step could be to park on the street outside your school on a weekend when school is not in session. Then maybe park outside when school is in session, and then when it it letting out at the end of the day. They would keep increasing it like this until you can be calm in a class. Or they might have you work with a tutor for a while. It would depend on what your anxiety is about. Is it about the kids, or the teachers, or the work, or the noise? They would figure that out first, and tailor your treatment to help in the areas you need it. It probably will take some time (don't expect to be back in school in a week or two!).
I think that maybe your dad really wants to help you, but doesn't really know what to do. He's probably getting frustrated. You know what to do, though (CBT...). He would probably feel a lot better if he knew that you were getting the kind of help that you need, and then he might feel that he can let the professionals help you - and not have to do it all himself.
Since you say that you tried to kill yourself once, I can tell how scared all of this makes you. I would suggest that you ask to see both a Psychiatrist (for meds) and a CBT therapist (for the anxiety). These people really will be able to help you.
P.S. It would be perfectly alright to go for the first time to meet a CBT therapist and say "I'm here because I get panic attacks at school. But I'm really scared to be here, too! I need to get to know you a bit before we try to talk about or do things that are too scary. Could you please tell me how you work with people who have panic attacks so that I will know what to expect?" I think that you will be surprised at how much easier it will be than you think, to talk to the therapist.
You could do some reading on the internet about CBT and anxiety, too. Please post more questions as you have them. I, personally, don't have anxiety (well, I do have some anxiety some of the time) - my problem is more with depression. But there are others on this board who have worked through anxiety problems who can help you, too.
poster:fallsfall
thread:299677
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040110/msgs/299737.html