Posted by ocdforyears on January 9, 2004, at 11:12:13
In reply to Asking your T if he ever fantasizes about you?, posted by tinydancer on January 8, 2004, at 9:36:49
What if he says yes, I do fantasize about you? That would not feel good to me at all (as a man seeing a woman therapist).
And I have this dark addition to the discussion here; excuse me if I've gone too far on what is a (kind of) light thread. The first therapist I really connected with had sex with a client after a session and I had to quit seeing him. The second, a man I saw for four and a half years, fell in love with my wife (who was also seeing him a a client).
After seven months of therapy with this man my wife left me. He encouraged me to date. I did date after about 10 months. A woman even more disturbed than my ex, if that's possible. I asked for, and got, a divorce from my wife who hadn't let me see her in more than a year. Soon after, my therapist, who I had trusted with my marriage and my life, out of the blue, asked me to start seeing another psychologist. A couple months later I found out my wife and he were dating. I believe they are married, as they co-wrote a psychological self help book. I have had no contact with either of them in years and am currently married to a woman who I know loves me.
Erotic transference is totally normal. But I think a therapist who crosses that line is a predator, plain and simple; sure he may feel attracted or whatever, but to act on that.... Or to encourage those feelings in the client, yikes.
Also, I echo what others have said that it's hard to get everything I need if I'm feeling in love with my therapist. Though I admit it's a journey some of us need to experience on our way to health. I read it as parental transference, an illusion, just like getting a crush on my doctor or dentist (something I have experienced)not because of who they are as people but because of what they represent in fantasy: an authority figure who finally loves me and can take care of me.
The guy who ended up with my wife used to let female clients (or at least my wife and her friend) hang out in his waiting room, even on days when they weren't scheduled to see him. Now that is narcissistic and bizarre. He was more disturbed than I was at the time, and I was very obsessional and depressed Luckily for me, the women therapists I've seen (and I've only seen women since the guy who took my wife) have been much older and there was no attraction on my part. A good looking younger woman would be hard. But it would still be up to her to set the boundary.
Well, that was pretty darned vulnerable of me. I just started posting to this board and I may have shared parts of this story already somewhere else, I don't remember. And this may not fit here. But dating and therapy aren't meant to mix I think. Therapists need to deal with attraction to clients away from the client, and never build personal romantic relationships with those they see. And any therapist who does do that (and god I wish the freak I saw were reading this) needs to go and get a life, outside of the profession.
poster:ocdforyears
thread:298040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/298559.html