Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2003, at 21:15:14
OK. This is not a revelation to me. But it struck me particularly hard today. My therapist is who he is to me because of what I make him, not what he is. He's not brilliant and irreplaceable, except to the extent that I see him that way.
Now I think his forte is making me feel safe, not brilliant interpretations. And I didn't need to feel safe today. But I wonder... Does he really do anything special to make me feel safe, or do I imbue him with the quality of making me feel safe because I need to feel safe. Am I just using this poor hapless guy as a receptacle for all the magical qualities I need to feel safe?
He just seemed so bewildered today. Like he really didn't understand me and didn't know quite what to do with me. Like he couldn't possibly even slightly relate to what I was talking about. Like I was totally beyond his normal experience, and he didn't have the tools to use.
He did the thing we were talking about earlier. Where he pointed out that my actions were based on incorrect thinking. Then sort of figured that that wrapped it up. I told him thank you. That should clear up a decades old problem.
And I wonder. Is he always like this but I just refuse to see it?
I'm not angry with him. I'm not upset about today's session. I just have this vague curiosity. And it sort of felt like I'd never really seen him before.
Who is this therapist that I've been seeing for eight years. Not as a person, but as a therapist. Have I been seeing him as he really is or is he a figment of my imagination, or my needs.
poster:Dinah
thread:291761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/291761.html