Posted by tabitha on December 18, 2003, at 20:24:12
In reply to Re: Ready to Throw in the Towel » fallsfall, posted by tabitha on December 18, 2003, at 20:01:44
Thanks for your replies. You all made a lot of good points. I spend much of my individual session today talking about my perception of the woman, the 'harpy shrew' as zen dubbed her. My therapist has me convinced I'm filtering, and seeing the woman critically, and thinking she doesn't like me, and putting a whole negative trip onto her that doesn't match the present reality. I am convinced she doesn't like me, but the therapist says she doesn't see evidence for that, she sees the woman has tried to connect with me. We went over lots of things. I can't really just un-do my perception, but I can sure see that I'm convinced the woman doesn't like me, and I'm being annoyed by just about everything she says, so I can see I'm not liking her. The therapist explained that where it will go is that I'll shut the woman out, see what I want to see, and she'll end up REALLY not liking me and give up on me.
I agreed to try to be open to her. I came up with the idea of trying to visualize the two of us bonding, so maybe I can start some positive feelings toward her. I had one helpful insight that I can't imagine that woman might like me because she seems too stable and normal. She seems above me somehow. In the past when I had relationships with women I thought were above me (socially assured, better looking or whatever), I felt I had to play second-fiddle to them and kiss up to get them to relate to me. So I assume if I don't kiss up, this woman will reject me. That isn't really fair to assume, is it?
About the expressiveness.. I brought that up and explained how hurtful it was. When the therapist asked me if being expressive was a goal, I assumed she was saying it should be, but she said that isn't what she meant. I don't get that either. Why would she ask then? When the group meets again (not for 3 weeks) I may tell them that being expressive isn't a goal right now. Maybe it will be, but it isn't now. I may actually make a list of what my goals are, then I could share that with them.
Now I have 2 weeks off from group AND individual. Thank goodness. It's very difficult having all this upheaval and not knowing what's 'real' and what's my past perception, projection, etc. It's way harder than individual ever was.
poster:tabitha
thread:291162
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/291418.html