Posted by fallsfall on November 30, 2003, at 11:29:50
In reply to Re: Somebody help..., posted by LostInTransferance on November 29, 2003, at 22:54:11
Hmmm. I'm a little confused. When I think of transference I think of times when I misinterpret things that my therapist says or does (or even doesn't do). For instance, maybe he grimmaces because he has heartburn. I interpret that to mean that he didn't like what I just said and that he's mad at me and will throw me out. I truly believe that this is what he is thinking and feeling, and it sends me into a panic. I do this because I learned as a small child that when someone (a parent) grimmaced that they were going to distance themselves from me (who knows, maybe they went to take care of THEIR gastric distress). So, for me, grimmaces mean abandonment. Of course, that's not what is going on with my therapist at all. If the misconceptions are not corrected then I take my fear (that he will abandon me) into the rest of my life and live as though I am worthless.
I guess what I'm not quite understanding is that she described a "relationship". That I can understand could be transference - she could attribute emotions and thoughts to her therapist that didn't belong to her therapist. But you also say that she described "dates and times" that she spent with her therapist. Unless these were all within her sessions I don't see how this is transference. Did she say they went on picnics together or "dated"? If it were strictly transference, then all of her misconceptions would be physically rooted in the session room. If she was describing other events, then either she was fantasizing, or delusional (?), or untruthful (or her therapist was unethical). You also said that this "relationship" with her therapist "covered up a 2 year period in her life". That sounds like something else was actually going on in her real life, but she was experiencing the relationship with the therapist instead?? Were you around during these 2 years? Do you have any independent evidence of things that DID ACTUALLY happen then?
I guess that my concern is that the way you describe this it doesn't sound like strictly transference to me. Transference is misunderstanding, and assigning motives and feelings that aren't really there. The patient's reactions to these motives and feelings ARE real and ARE part of their lives (they just aren't seeing the Therapist's world clearly). I'm hearing something that sounds more delusional - but maybe I'm just reading your post wrong.
In every event, she has to hammer this out with her therapist. I don't think you can help much, except help keep her grounded in reality. It might be helpful to you to ask if you can join her in a session to help you understand her situation better and find out if there are ways that you can help her.
poster:fallsfall
thread:285110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031123/msgs/285227.html