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Re: Memory » fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on November 26, 2003, at 20:16:11

In reply to Re: Memory » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on November 26, 2003, at 18:26:35

There's no reason I particularly want to know this. (And neither of my parents is a good source of accurate history. I only believe them if they independently come up with the same story I remember.)

But there is a reason I want to think about memory. My therapist says that the things I say, and more particularly, the way I say them, make him think of sexual abuse. And I always tell him that more than one road leads to Rome, and that sometimes hoofbeats really are zebras, not horses. He doesn't press me or try to get me to remember anything. I just detect some skepticism on his part.

So I am remembering the things I forget. And I'm pretty sure I always remember that I forgot something. Like I remember that I forgot what the girls said, and I remember I forgot which parent it is. And sometimes I'm aware that I remember in general, even if vaguely, what happened, and the details of the beginning and/or the end, but absolutely no details of the middle. But the point being, that I remember that I forgot something.

Sometimes I even play with forgetting. I'll forget something on purpose just to see if I can. But again, I remember that I've forgotten something.

So I think if I had ever been sexually abused, I might blank out the face of who did it, I might forget the details, but I'd remember that it happened in general.

So I'm musing on the nature of memory in general, not just specifically on this memory.

 

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