Posted by DaisyM on November 7, 2003, at 13:16:33
In reply to Re: Please help! » Medusa, posted by karen_kay on November 7, 2003, at 5:56:32
K-
I have been in and out of where you are for the past few months so I really feel for you -- those deep, dark middle of the nights are awful. It is not uncommon for depression to wreck your sleep, especially if you dream about the past or recent therapy sessions. I recommend deep, very focused breathing. Keep bringing yourself back to breathing. Even if you can't get to sleep, you will get the body benefit of relaxation. Just try it...Also, is it possible that you are projecting really old feelings about having to take care of yourself, of not having support, on your Therapist? I know I've done this. I think there is a part of you that so wants to protect the secret that it creates feelings against the person you have told. And, against yourself.
Have you identified any triggers, especially ones that happen at night? Sex is a big one, whether it was sexual abuse of not, just because of the vulnerability. It might be OK during, but later you might have really intense feelings.
From what I've read, when you reveal traumatic memories, you are often emotionally flooded and regression to the age of the trauma can happen. As kids, we dealt with fear and upset by seeking hugs (or at least wishing for them). It is the same now. These emotions want to be buried in someone's arms. Therapists can't do this for us. That doesn't stop us from wishing they would.
Two weeks ago (Monday)I had one of those sessions where I told in as much detail as I ever have what happened to me. I was wreck all week. There was so much anxiety, so much fear. Lucky for me, I could go back in several times. I was actually right back in again Tuesday and we basically just sat and talked about how sad I was and how anxious "telling" was making me: what must my Therapist think of me, was it too awful for him to hear? Would he decide he couldn't help me? Could I take it all back!!?? And, we sat in silence ALOT. I just needed someone to help me work through it and since no one else knows, my Therapist was really the only one I could be such an honest mess with. I ended up in 3x that week with a 20 minute phone call on a day I wasn't in.
Then of course, I did the whole - I'm a burden/worse client thing this week. *sigh* It isn't easy. Journaling really helped me. And reading.
Hang in there. Clean something. Make soup. Listen to the new Rod Stewart CD - Songbook II. Watch Finding Nemo while hugging a pillow. Keeping busy helps me.
I'm thinking about you and sending support. Feel free to write LONG posts. I promise to read them.
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:276859
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031030/msgs/277486.html