Posted by Adia on October 8, 2003, at 11:40:26
In reply to Psychiatrist as father figure, posted by Jellibabe on October 8, 2003, at 4:57:54
Hi,
Thank you for sharing...
I just wanted to say I hear you and I understand your feelings..
I too feel the need to have comfort and unconditional love and nurture (like from a mother) and I can't deny those needs, my therapist can't be my mother, I know, but I look for the safety and warmth I feel from her and in a way, I feel she gives me that nurture I seek for..I try to give myself permission to feel that..
as the others have shared...
I try to give myself permission to feel that way and to accept what I can and what my therapist can give me, maybe you should try to give yourself that permission...and look for other ways to feel comforted or to feel the love you are needing inside...?
I often feel like I would just ask my therapist to hold me in her arms like a mother and let me cry and just comfort me like I never was in my life. It hurts to know that there's a deep void inside that seems impossible to be filled.
I too sometimes look for that in friends...sometimes I ask a friend to just hug me...
I understand that need inside, I find that if I can talk about it at least,or ask for some of the things I need, it feels a little better....I try to accept that I won't ever have that comfort and love and safety I crave, because it is the comfort that children have (should have) and I am an adult, but I can find ways to nurture the part of me that needs that and try to accept what others can give me to fill that emptiness..
Try to give yourself permission to nurture that part of you that is in need of a father...
I understand about waiting the whole week for that hour and then it's gone and you find yourself again just trying to get through and counting the hours and the days till the next time..I do that :o( I feel relieved when I know I am only one or two days away from my session.
Have you talked to him about how you feel in between appointments?
I have, and I know that I have to learn to internalize things...and trust that they don't go away and that somehow I can internalize that safety or hope..and sometimes I can carry it with me and I feel less desperate in b/sessions. My T is helping me to find ways to internalize things so that I don't feel lost the moment I leave her building.
Maybe he can help you find ways to feel better in b/sessions, I hope that you can talk about it with him. I find that feeling connected helps..I try to do things that let me acknowledge how I am feeling, I draw ...or I write...About s.i...it is really hard to stop it...but for me, it helped me to feel loved by a friend and to feel supported by my T..to know I can call or reach out if I feel the urge.. it doesn't always work. Have you shared with your psychiatrist? I think it is really important to break that silence and shame.
Sorry this is long...
:-)Just wanted to share and let you know you are not alone,
sorry if this doesn't make any sense...!
sending you support and understanding,
Adia.
> I am only seeing my psychiatrist again next week on Tuesday and it seems so far away and sometimes I wonder if I will survive that long. I curl up in my dreams and watch the minutes turn to hours and just think of him. I am so dependant on him. I see him as a father figure and desperately want him to love me in a fatherly sort of way. The worst thing is that I sort of eke out my days, looking forward to when I see him again, and then, poof, the hour is over and it is all gone again and then, that night or the next day, depression slams into me so badly that it almost wipes me out. About a month ago, I took an overdose (the day after I had been to see him) because I just felt I wasn't coping. Of course I felt like an pathetic idiot afterwards and I won't do it again, but sometimes I am almost frightened of myself. I thank God I found this message board because it seems there are others around like me, except that I must be the only one who has children and yet still so desperately wants a father figure to hug me and to love me.
>
> I am glad you also talk about self injury. It is more and more difficult for me because my children are old enough now to notice when I cut my arm or my stomach and they have made me promise not to do it again. So what do you do? It makes it extremely difficult as I don't want to break their trust or upset them. So far I have managed...
> (I'm sorry, I hope this isn't too long)
poster:Adia
thread:266662
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/266753.html