Posted by Jellibabe on October 8, 2003, at 4:57:54
I am only seeing my psychiatrist again next week on Tuesday and it seems so far away and sometimes I wonder if I will survive that long. I curl up in my dreams and watch the minutes turn to hours and just think of him. I am so dependant on him. I see him as a father figure and desperately want him to love me in a fatherly sort of way. The worst thing is that I sort of eke out my days, looking forward to when I see him again, and then, poof, the hour is over and it is all gone again and then, that night or the next day, depression slams into me so badly that it almost wipes me out. About a month ago, I took an overdose (the day after I had been to see him) because I just felt I wasn't coping. Of course I felt like an pathetic idiot afterwards and I won't do it again, but sometimes I am almost frightened of myself. I thank God I found this message board because it seems there are others around like me, except that I must be the only one who has children and yet still so desperately wants a father figure to hug me and to love me.
I am glad you also talk about self injury. It is more and more difficult for me because my children are old enough now to notice when I cut my arm or my stomach and they have made me promise not to do it again. So what do you do? It makes it extremely difficult as I don't want to break their trust or upset them. So far I have managed...
(I'm sorry, I hope this isn't too long)
poster:Jellibabe
thread:266662
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/266662.html