Posted by fuzzymind on January 31, 2003, at 18:17:05
I looked up a high school bully on the net and discovered he was a successful investment analyst for a well known financial publication. The picture matched....big ugly nose and mis-shapened head only an anthopologist cold expalin..lol. Normally, this would send me into angry thoughts which I would ruminate over and over again, reliving those nasty events in high school, and especially being angry at not kicking this nazi's ass when I had the chance. ANd feeling very badly that he made my depression, avoidance and anxiety worse because I was new to the area and it was the first year of high school...I didn't know anyone and I was being psychologically raped and tortured.
I have some negatvie thoughts, but my emotions aren't as strong as they used to be. Not sure what happened. My mind has been occupied by the past few days with an anal fissure. Maybe all the treading of message boards and reading Dr Burns' Feeling Good book helped, although I never did the written exercises. Maybe I don't mind killing myself. I always heard that some sucide victims feel euphoric before they end it all. Now that I am feeling better, how do I maintain this? How do victims of abuse get by. I still fell like a failure, and I am very far behind in life, but how do I get over these feelings of anger, revenge and pain. Been feeling relatively good the past few days...can think of only one angry emotion and a semi angry one I had just now when thinking of this guy. If it the anal fissure, wouldn't that be a hoot. I smell Nobel Prize!! lol
poster:fuzzymind
thread:2404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2404.html