Posted by IsoM on January 30, 2003, at 14:15:47
In reply to Re: Marriage Counselors to Iso, posted by LA on January 29, 2003, at 21:14:52
Like Judy said, even if your husband won't go, a marriage counsellor can work with just one person. When my husband refused to go after the 3 visits, the counsellor told me to feel free to return alone if I thought he could help. I was considering it but when my husband decided to leave, I saw no need to.
A counsellor will give you suggestions on how to explain things to your husband. Even if your husband won't go, the counsellor may have some brochures or such that would explain depression in one mate in a marriage. Perhaps your husband would be more willing to read something on his own than listen to someone. If he reads rather than listens, it may make it seem like less pressure on him. There would be no need for him to respond to someone face-to-face that way. And then he may think about what he read.
I've read that often when one mate is depressed, the other somehow feels responsible for their depression. Even if they know better & realise that they didn't cause the depression, they may feel they're perpetuating it. Your husband may feel a subconscious guilt over your depression & that may account for his wish for you to "snap out of it".
You say your husband says he loves you. If he is a loving husband, he may feel like he's lost his wife to the depression & be suffering a degree of grief himself. Hopefully, if you get some counselling, you'll be able to reach him better. He'll understand it's not him that depresses you but something internal with you. Maybe he'll come around & be willing to see a counsellor together later.
poster:IsoM
thread:2299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2357.html