Posted by terramiller on October 10, 2002, at 22:16:30
In reply to Re: just wanted to wish you luck » terramiller, posted by Lorelai on October 10, 2002, at 14:26:13
Most of what I felt at first was agitation, too. I would just bounce off the walls. It was really terrible. That was before the world of meds, so I really thought I was not going to make it.
I also know what it feels like to feel responsible for your own kids. That can really be a stabilizing factor in your own healing process. You aren't likely to totally lose it because of being committed to your kids. The good/bad thing about kids, is sometimes they are the ones that can cause stuff to come up... like when they get to a certain age that you were when you were a kid.
Everybody freaks out at first. You think you are the only one and that nobody else has a story anywhere close to yours. Somebody likely told you that a long time ago, or you became convinced of it because you kept your mouth shut and didn't tell anybody to keep safe.
In your reading, may I gently advise you to start with the academic and be careful which "real life biographical" stories you read. You do not want to uncork more than you are ready for. I like a book by Christine Courtouis.... title is something like Incest /treatment of or something or other. I liked it so much that I bought my own copy. The reason why I liked it is because it's totally academic and nonemotional. You can learn a lot about Post Traumatic Stress as well as Dissociating on a general level. You can probably locate it in a library, which is where I ran across it first. I found it informative without being threatening.
On the internet, Sidran (I think) has some really general information about dissociation that is very helpful for those trying to acquaint themselves with the term and issues.
It's normal... at least it's normal for me :-).... to experience a caged feeling accompanied by panic and agitation. It's important to have calming and self soothing techniques in place and to practice them. (Believe it or not, my current calming choice is to watch Bear In The Big Blue House.... kid stuff calms me down a lot.) Find what works for you and give yourself permission to comfort yourself. Benzos are extremely helpful, but caring for yourself works longer and for the longer term.
Just some thoughts. It helps me to talk to other people; helps me in my own process. I unfortunately have been where you seem to be.
Take care,
Terra
poster:terramiller
thread:1196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020829/msgs/1271.html