Posted by Lorelai on October 3, 2002, at 13:46:34
In reply to Re: Disassociative Disorder/Alter Egos » Lorelai, posted by judy1 on October 2, 2002, at 18:27:43
> Hi Lorelei,
> Actually I also have a bipolar disorder- but my dissociative disorder is comorbid. I take meds for bipolar and panic attacks, but for DD-NOS, I exclusively do psychotherapy because the underpinnings are childhood abuse (as I thought yours were). So, it's important for your moods to be stable because therapy can be really tough and may cause an episode. Unfortunately like I said before, you get worse before you get better. But it sounds like your loss of time is causing problems (do you self-injure?, just curious) and to go to an experienced doc is definitely the way to go. I also share your feelings of abandonment, my last shrink crossed boundaries with me then announced he would no longer see me. That caused a suicide attempt on my part, so not to diminish your pain- but make sure your old shrink understands your difficulties, and I'm sure he'll see you as long as you need. You may find the new one is even better :-). Take care, judyHi judy,
I don't really know what's caused my problems, though I do know there was no direct physical abuse from my parents (there was, however, extreme racism directed at me from my grandparents on my father's side--my mother is Asian and my grandparents disapproved of the interracial marriage. Also, my father is I guess what you would call a high functioning alcoholic). Though I've been in therapy since age 15, I've made a lifelong career of avoiding digging too deeply, have gone from therapist to therapist and have never spent too much time trying to figure out what's beneath it all. When things start to get too close, I end my sessions and move on. I'm starting to get uncomfortable with this process again and have spent all morning at work fighting with myself because I'd like to quit therapy! I worry because I think my fiance would probably give up on me if I stopped now. I've put him through hell and he's so relieved I'm finally pushing myself to really try with therapy. I just feel so--invaded, I guess you could say--and was just getting to trust Dr. S when suddenly I was told about the other pdoc coming in. I keep thinking that other people are trying to make this whole thing a LOT more complicated than it actually is, because Alice and I manage pretty well for the most part, thank you (; Sorry, just trying to lighten things up a little. I'm starting to get a little too stressed (: Btw, I used to have a huge hole in the bottom of my left foot where I would dig and dig with a needle. For a time I would put little razor slashes on myself, but that wasn't as satisfying as digging with the needle. I haven't self-injured in a long time, but I still have urges and when I'm upset I dig my fingernails into my hand deeply. I don't cut or dig anymore, though like I said, I WANT to sometimes. I'm so sorry to hear about your shrink and what happened. When I was 15 my first counselor (a drug counselor who was an ex-priest) flirted with me and said suggestive things that weren't right. At the time I was naive and flattered. Later, when I was 19 and he hadn't been my counselor in years, he tried to seduce me. I never went through with anything, but maybe this is why I never really trusted therapists (hmm, ya think?). It's taken me a long time to get beyond that. Anyway, I guess you could say I'm in denial in a way, judy. I keep thinking to myself that this is all just my way of dealing with the world and why is everyone getting so upset and wanting to fix me??? Then I have to stop and think--this is really screwing with my life. I've been married and divorced three times. I was in the process of ruining yet another relationship (and a good one this time). There's definitely something wrong with someone who can't deal with life on a somewhat even keel. So I'm trying. Not much else I can do. Thanks for listening and I'm sorry to ramble. Guess I just feel strange about all this and have been needing to get some things out. I'll see the new pdoc on Monday and I'm nervous!
Best,
Lorelai
poster:Lorelai
thread:1196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020829/msgs/1207.html