Posted by Chairman_MAO on June 12, 2005, at 17:10:18 [reposted on June 14, 2005, at 22:17:34 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Exercise for severe depression, posted by SLS on June 12, 2005, at 16:48:33
I tried for years and years to exercise in order to feel better. Even when I was merely "dysthymic as usual" (forget about in a state of "double depression), I found myself barely able to do crunches without losing track of where I was in the set and staring up at the ceiling. At the very best, I could sustain an hour on an elliptial trainer at minimal resistance, but when I'd up the resistance, I wouldn't be able to sustain the effort. Moreover, the social phobia was always too bad to get to a gym, and I couldn't even bring myself to care anyway, as I never felt that "exercise euphoria" or any kind of sustained good feeling afterward that everyone reports. I suspect that even if I'd had access to real gym equipment, I wouldn't have been able to sustain any kind of program for very long, as it was always hard to bring myself to care about anything for a long period of time unless it was immediately gratifying or something that I otherwise couldn't tear myself away from. Again, that is dysthymia, or, as I prefer to look at it, a "reward deficiency syndrome".
After getting on Nardil, buprenorphine, and cabergoline (though I could possibly do this without the cabergoline), I _WANTED_ to start an exercise program IMMEDIATELY. I started waking up at 6am on VACATION to use the GYM at the hotel! When I got back to my parents' house (upon which they were astounded and speechless at what a different person I seemed to be), I joined a gym. I now wake up at 5am (When on no meds I prefer to sleep until noon and go to bed at 5am) beaming with energy and literally CAN'T WAIT to get to the gym and work out for TWO HOURS. It now is HARD _NOT_ to go to the gym on the days that I have to rest, even though I go 4-5 days in a row before the rest. I simply feel so good afterward, I almost fear I am becoming addicted to it. I believe its quite possibly the bupe enhancing/"normalizing" opioid receptors that allows me to actually feel the exercise "high" now.I must emphasize that I was always strongly aversive to and disinterested in any kind of atheltic activity for over 24 years of my 25-year life. Within weeks of switching to Nardil (I was on 16mg/day of bupe at this point), out of nowhere I wanted to exercise, clean up after myself, take care of unopened envelopes on my desk, etc. But this exercise thing is amazing. I do at least 20 minutes of cardio and 1.5 hours of weight training 5x/wk. I already see results, and I may be buff within a month or two from now. I never would've been able to even CONCEIVE of what this state of mind is like before the meds. I am lately tempted to taper down on the buprenorphine due to anorgasmia that would not be there if I weren't on it or on such a high dose, but I am wary of doing that without at least talking to my prescribing Dr. about it. The old me would've just gone ahead and did it, because I never would've been in a state of mind I felt I wished to preserve. This one is infinitely precious.
Perhaps exercise works for you--you are lucky. Exercise only works for me if I am on the right medication.
Now I am starting to conquer the ultimate difficulty: procrastination of schoolwork. This has a more behavioral component than most of my problems. Even though I am now well, I am still finding it hard to get started on my make-up work. PErhaps that's because my school just dismissed me (kicked me out) for a low GPA within weeks of finally getting well--because of a year of classes that I attempted to pass while pretty much out of my gourd (although the tranylcypromine worked brilliantly for a time for social phobia and depression, it would "poop out" for a while and then work again without explanation. It also didn't give me near full remission, but I didn't know because it was so much better than anything else I'd taken previously). I hope I can get back in due to my condition with some Dr's notes, etc. I probably can, but I am so scared I Find myself smoking pot again lately to escape; this is not good. Before finding this out, I had not used any mind-altering substance except socially or to sleep since the Nardil kicked in.
But I digress here (perhaps I am just calling out for help because I am really confused and scared about school and my recent upswing in drug use (Even though it is only like 3-4 *tiny* hits max per day when I used to smoke 1 grams per day or more, it is more than I Want to be doing). The point of this post: I am wired in such a way that when not on meds, exercise does nothing for me, no matter how hard I try. :(
I would much rather exercise than take all of these meds (especially from a sex dysfunction POV) but that simply is not in the cards for me. To continue the card analogy, we all must play the hand we're dealt. :)
poster:Chairman_MAO
thread:512835
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/health/20050411/msgs/512837.html