Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2005, at 17:55:00 [reposted on July 24, 2005, at 9:56:13 | original URL]
In reply to Re: ((((hugs Dinah)))) (nm) » Dinah, posted by Jazzed on July 20, 2005, at 15:55:01
I really appreciate it.
I called someone at rescue this morning, to put my name on the list. But I was pretty particular about what I wanted. Older (at least four or five), housebroken, well behaved, gentle, not dominant, able to get along with kids and small animals.
Imagine my distress to discover just how many possibilities there were. I thought it would take months or years to come up with a paragon like that. People utterly astonish me sometimes.
I'm still going to take my time. Adopting a dog that will be with you for years and years, especially a big one who can really make an impact on your life, is a big big decision.
I'm trying to decide if I'm quite *quite* ready. Right now I still feel like I've been run over by a manure truck. I told my therapist that I thought I felt so bad before she died that I wasn't sure that her death could make me feel worse. I think I was right.
It's so weird, watching myself behaving normally while inside every nerve feels alive with pain, and only Risperdal is keeping me going without dissolving in a puddle on the floor. Or a raging tirade. Come to think of it, those jangling nerve endings feel a whole lot more like pure rage than sadness.
It's kind of hard to consider myself as boiling with rage. But I think I am.
My husband always laughs at my lack of expression of feelings (in a nice way). He gives some quote, said in a very flat tone of voice. "I am enraged."
I'm not mad at anything in particular. Just life in general. And at loss.
poster:Dinah
thread:532644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20041230/msgs/532664.html