Posted by Dena on August 20, 2003, at 18:02:52
In reply to Re: Trouble Accessing Current Posts » Dena, posted by Temmie on August 20, 2003, at 17:33:05
Thanks, Temmie, for your sympathy, for your insights & for your humor!
All are warmly welcomed.
Wow - an 18 year old son (my eldest son is 15). Funny, I had pictured you as a willowy, blonde, 25-year-old with flowers strewn through your hair. Of course, having a teenaged son does preclude you from being willowy or blonde (flowers optional), but it would put a damper on your being 25 ("Honestly, I had a baby when I was 7..."). Oh well, it was such a lovely picture that I think I'll hang on to it. (but not the pregnant 7 year old part)
I posted earlier about losing my baby (see The past four weeks: good bad news Dena 8/13/03). I don't remember what I wrote, but I was fresh from the loss (actually miscarrying that day). But since I haven't yet passed the baby's body, I'm still actually miscarrying. After 7 healthy babies I certainly thought I was born to breed, & never anticipated that this would happen. I painted a little pine box in my own style (I paint & sell furniture & stuff), w/ a little heart on the top, with the words, "Baby Samuel, June - August 2003. From the safety of the womb to the arms of Jesus" I'm just waiting, so that I can bury him beneath an azalea bush in my yard (azaleas are ever-green). I don't have a file for this. I've never carried around a dead body inside of me before. Just waiting...
I believe that God has been carrying me through this - otherwise how could I cope? I'm so sad - the background music of my life is a dirge right now, but the pain has lessened. I see my face in the mirror... it was so happy & glowy before (all right, I was breaking out from the hormones), & now my face looks so bleak & expressionless w/ dead eyes. I look old at 41. Last week I looked 30.
(I know, you imagined I was a statuesque redhead with a rose between my teeth!) (see, the sillines keeps erupting!)
I apologize to you (& others who may be reading) for going on & on about losing this baby. I can't seem to "get over it" they way some folks seem to think I should.
For those who've shown concern, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Shalom, Dena
poster:Dena
thread:252497
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030530/msgs/252573.html