Posted by scratchpad on June 14, 2007, at 14:16:10
Feels like I've been slimed. Once a deputy, now a "former" deputy - so it's not ok to go off the rails like any other person with a mood disorder might?? Alright, I admit that I was stupid for ever even trying to do the job in the first place. Which I trained for not one, but two years. That's YEARS. Of babble-time. That's a big investment of time to be undermined and undone so easily. I backed out of being taken into consideration for the position of deputy once, wondering whether I could take the pressure of the responsibility. Guess I should have listened to that particular inner voice. Instead, I told myself that I was giving back to a valuable community that had given so much to me. And now look what that's done for me.
I still feel like a failure. Especially reading this week's installment on the Admin board. I'm being judged here, judged by my former position of deputy. Anyone want to guess how long I actually did that job? How about a couple of weeks. That's all it took for me to make myself into a giant bullseye and go down like a goober sliding down a window pane. Splat. Slither back down the drain into the sewer where I belong. Not suitable. Not suitable.
And now I read a suggestion that another deputy should consider taking a break. Let me tell you from my personal experience - people will not forget that you were once a deputy. They will never let you be a human with human problems again. Personally, I am not up to the scrutiny. Even changing my name didn't help.
sp
poster:scratchpad
thread:763148
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20070330/msgs/763148.html