Posted by muffled on June 20, 2007, at 11:46:39
In reply to The ex deputy stain, posted by scratchpad on June 14, 2007, at 14:16:10
> Feels like I've been slimed. Once a deputy, now a "former" deputy - so it's not ok to go off the rails like any other person with a mood disorder might?? Alright, I admit that I was stupid for ever even trying to do the job in the first place.
**Not stupid. least you tried. I would not even try.
Which I trained for not one, but two years. That's YEARS. Of babble-time. That's a big investment of time to be undermined and undone so easily. I backed out of being taken into consideration for the position of deputy once, wondering whether I could take the pressure of the responsibility. Guess I should have listened to that particular inner voice. Instead, I told myself that I was giving back to a valuable community that had given so much to me. And now look what that's done for me.
**Thanks for trying SP. You got guts to try. And it was alot of work to train, but mebbe you learned some good stuff too? Its not all a waste....? Sounds like you had wonderful motives for trying, thats is so good.
>
> I still feel like a failure. Especially reading this week's installment on the Admin board. I'm being judged here, judged by my former position of deputy.**Dunno what this part is about, but hope you can get past this :-(
Anyone want to guess how long I actually did that job? How about a couple of weeks. That's all it took for me to make myself into a giant bullseye and go down like a goober sliding down a window pane. Splat. Slither back down the drain into the sewer where I belong. Not suitable. Not suitable.
**Sigh. Its kinda like me the pot, calling the kettle black....but you SO not a goober(its ME thats the goober....).
And who is to say that some time down the road you might be ready to give it a crack again? May seem impossible...but...who knows really???>
> And now I read a suggestion that another deputy should consider taking a break. Let me tell you from my personal experience - people will not forget that you were once a deputy. They will never let you be a human with human problems again. Personally, I am not up to the scrutiny. Even changing my name didn't help.**Oh sh*t. I feel so bad bout this, you got no idea. My chest hurts. I forget who is deputies, like I didn't know auntie mel was one. Duh. But I only got admiration for those who go out there and do what they can.
I am sorry if I said wrong things.
I meant noone no harm.
I'm sorry if I inadvertantly hurt you SP, cuz I would never ever want to hurt you.
Ever.
So I am sorry.
And know I hold you in good thots, and don't think no bad thots bout ya, cuz like my favorite saying, 'let he who is w/o sin cast the first stone....'.
Sorry SP, hope you can feel better soon.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:763148
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20070330/msgs/764440.html