Posted by Lindenblüte on November 10, 2006, at 22:42:36
In reply to body and depersonalization, posted by Lindenblüte on November 8, 2006, at 22:00:31
Hi Meri,
I talked about it with my T this week, and I was able to come up with a couple of reasons why I felt unhappy the slimmer I got.1) even my BEST friends were envious, meaning that they tried to take my "good thing" and make it negative- they would do this by using my body to critique their own.
2) i am REALLY REALLY uncomfortable getting comments on my body. I'm not happy gaining weight either- but I'm much more used to being on the "plump" side of the healthy range, or the "barely" side of the overweight range. Ensures that guys won't flirt with my BODY- that they'll only be interested in my mind (that feels "safe" to me, somehow).
3) fear that struggle to maintain some slim figure will lead to unhealthy obsessive thoughts, like it did when I was living on campus with a lot of women nearby. I knew which ones were on the stairmaster for 90 minutes every morning. I knew which ones ate small salads for lunch, and drank vodka shots instead of beer (too fattening). THOSE were the girls that I compared myself too. That's what I'm afraid of.
T suggested to think about creating a healthier lifestyle, and not to think of it as a diet. I am doing okay so far. Haven't hopped on the scale since monday night, so that's impressive.
small changes. took me 6 mos to acquire current padding, so what if it takes me 6 weeks to get it off. Living healthier will supposedly be good for my mood and mental stability too- and I HAVE noticed a better mood since I stopped eating so many refined carbs and sweets.
I'll keep y'all posted.
Meri- I'm only 5'10" AFTER physical therapy or yoga. otherwise- more like 5 9ish. I get some PT on monday, though, so I'll be feeling taller again.
later,
-Litilia :)
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:701833
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/702469.html