Posted by alexandra_k on October 22, 2013, at 16:49:41
In reply to Re: support » alexandra_k, posted by SLS on October 22, 2013, at 14:45:11
I guess I'm thinking back to how people have supported me even when I was engaged in behaviour they didn't condone (e.g., self harm, angry outbursts, near catatonia). Hell, even other things... How can you support someone when you don't like the clothes they choose to wear or their haircut or the way they vote or... Any difference, really... I guess you focus on similarity as best you can. What it is that you can empathize with.
E.g., I think Bob has introduced the notion that vigilance can sometimes arise from trauma. Can you empathise with that? I know I am vigilant because of trauma. I know that I sometimes jump to conclusions about others or see the world through oddly tinted glasses because of my past history. To think that something like that is going on for Lou helps me empathize with his behaviour on one level. Even though I might find it annoying as hell on another level. I'm sure people find my hypervigilance annoying as hell, too. My therapist said the diagnostic assessment was taking so long because I was quickly irritable and spent much of the time complaining about how nobody listens to me. I think... She might well be right. I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to change my behaviour just yet. Maybe if she did a little more of the rephrasing what she heard me say that might help...
I.. I'm not sure I can help Lou much more than she can help me. Mostly... I think there is a similar incomprehension... I don't quite see how to connect.
> What was the nature of the support she received.
Sometimes people could support her by saying that they cared about her and hopes she would feel better soon. Sometimes people could support her by giving her concrete examples of things to try (go for a walk or pet hammie or something). Sometimes people could support her by saying that they understood how she felt. Sometimes people could support her by encouraging her to hang in there and reminding her that the feeling had always passed before and likely would again.
I guess you would need to ask her what kinds of things were helpful. And when they were helpful...
I mean... Think about being a psychologist yourself. You have a client who is engaged in something that you personally don't condone. Drug abuse. Or self harm. Or something... That you personally don't condone. Does that mean that you can't support them or help them? I think you can separate the person from the behaviour and find aspects to empathise with / work with.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1050116
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20130903/msgs/1052810.html