Posted by Solstice on December 4, 2010, at 18:16:34
In reply to Re: A solution in search of a problem » Solstice, posted by Dinah on December 4, 2010, at 14:57:35
> It's really not personal and I don't mind new ideas.
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> There was some discussion about how people were suddenly against the proposals they had previously been in favor of. Or at least I think I saw something to that effect.
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> I was saying that my position never really changed.
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> The only thing I did ask is that, instead of an expansion of the existing civility buddy system, the idea be framed in terms of a new position with different responsibilities. Since I'm currently a civility buddy volunteer, I didn't think it was unreasonable to ask that the positions be separated if that was possible. If the current role is expanded, my resignation wouldn't be your fault. It would be because I didn't feel comfortable with the expectations of the expanded role. It would seem better to mention the matter now than after the role was expanded.I agree.. Right about the same time (or just afterwards) you brought this up, Bob generated activity on the Council concept and made his proposal. His proposal eliminated the need for anything other than the civility buddy system that you have going on right now, so I dropped the ideas I had that you consider 'expansion.' After that point, any time I mentioned the civility buddy function, it was always in the context in which it currently exists.
The post you made yesterday (I think) that I was responding to here sounded like you thought I was on a campaign to change what you had going. I threw out ideas in an attempt to address issues, but they seemed to be perceived as more than just ideas.
> I didn't try to stop you from offering new ideas. I can like some of your ideas and not like other of your ideas without in any way trying to silence you.I didn't feel like you were trying to silence me. Just the same, certain parts of your post did make me feel like my ideas were not welcome. I didn't use the word 'silence.' There is a difference in my mind between trying to 'silence' someone, and reacting to someone's ideas in a way makes them feel like the ideas they share are not welcome.
> In the end I have no idea what Bob will do. I have no great insight into his mind. But I can have opinions on aspects of the proposals put forward.
Of course. And I hope I've been clear in my communication here about the respect I have for your opinions. I consider them to have an innate wisdom due to your experience, time, and relationships here. My feeling that my ideas were unwelcome was not a result of your disagreeing with any (or even all) of my ideas.
> I didn't say you shouldn't share your ideas. I didn't *mean* that you shouldn't share your ideas. For all I know your ideas will strike a chord with Dr. Bob. Certainly I have no reason to believe otherwise.
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> I didn't take your ideas to be anything more than ideas. Only Dr. Bob has the power to implement anything.
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> I am somewhat confused as to how my disagreement is taken to be silencing.Again.. I didn't feel you were trying to silence me.. I just felt that sharing my ideas was not welcome. I'm glad to hear that it you did not intend for me to feel that way.. but perhaps my sense that they were not welcome was because of statements like this:
"As a result, I not only was upset at the new definition, but I wanted to resign what I had agreed to do."
It sounded like you believed the definition of Civility Buddy had undergone a massive change, and that was being attributed to me. Further, this thing attributed to me was upsetting to you - to the point that you wanted to resign! If my sharing an idea that has NOT changed any kind of definition has the power to have that kind of effect, then in my mind, my ideas are not being taken simply as ideas. If taken as simply ideas, my ideas shouldn't upset anyone, and they certainly shouldn't provoke someone as important to the community as you are to resign a position you designed that is functioning well. If someone were saying things that I believed were intruding on me to the extent mine appear to have intruded on you, then I wouldn't welcome that person's input. I'm not sure I'm making sense in describing this.. but your reaction seemed stronger than what I would expect to be generated by sharing a variety of ideas, unless the sharing of those ideas was just not welcome.
> I have neither the power or the desire to silence you. Ought I say nothing to your suggestions? Or agree with things I do not agree with?You can like, dislike, agree, disagree, or anything you like with respect to any idea I throw out there. Didn't I tell you in one of my responses to your negative feedback that I wanted to hear everything you have to say - and the more the better? I am the LAST person who would want you to not be true to yourself. Your ability to be true to yourself, and to so clearly distinguish between very fine points, is part of what I love so much about you. I am not emotionally invested in my ideas. They are not appendages of me. They are a little like moths - short life cycle and die easily - so that's why God makes tons of them, you know? You don't want to make an idea your pet any more than you'd want to turn a moth into a beloved pet :-) I think I've demonstrated this philosophy by my history of readily adjusting and adapting to feedback, which I have actively solicited and welcomed. My recent sense that my ideas are not welcome emerged when your post indicated that you believed I had somehow changed the definition of Civility Buddy, to the point that your ability to resolve your upset was contingent on my creating a new name for my new definition of this new entity (which didn't even exist). It sounded like you felt the existing Civility Buddy function had been swallowed up by something I had created, and it was making unwelcome demands on you or something. I didn't create anything. I had ideas - ideas that I quickly abandoned when Bob made his Council proposal quite a number of posts ago. You seemed to be giving life and power to those ideas that I didn't see them having, and the effect of them on you was quite negative. I wouldn't welcome something that had that kind of effect on me, upsetting me so much that I wanted to resign something I'd nurtured - so it wasn't hard for me to feel that these ideas of mine that somehow transformed into something demanding and coersive were not welcome.
Bob's Council proposal was addressed in a similar fashion... talking about my ideas (and I suppose Bob's inclusion of elections) as if they had already 'changed' the Council concept - which in my mind is not yet an existing entity. It's just a bundle of ideas that need to be sorted through and culled. You seemed to see the Council concept as something with an initial particular set of characteristics that you thought acceptable, that people like me were monkeying around with and had now turned it into something you didn't like at all. All I've done is come up with ideas - but power was being attributed to my ideas that I had no control over.
If you want to know what I'd like to see - it would be for you to look at the various ideas (wherever they came from)that are at the forefront right now, and speak to each one of them. Your ability to see to the core of things is a gift. I'd like your feedback, your thoughts about the pros and cons of each of the various ideas that are still breathing, with explanations of why the pro is a pro, and why the con is the con. I know for sure that that kind of feedback from you would hold a goldmine of gems that would be productive for constructing something to address, in particular, block length.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:964630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101201/msgs/972490.html