Posted by Dinah on July 7, 2009, at 18:10:35
In reply to Re: BLAMING the COMMUNITY! I've had it!!!!! STOP IT!!, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2009, at 17:43:00
That's how my mother raised me, except for the rare instances when she lost her temper. Rules were never just handed out, they always were introduced with the reason for them. I was never sent to my room for a half hour. I was sent to my room until I was ready to follow house rules.
Any attempt on my part to blame my mean old parents for my punishment carried the added burden of having to recognize that if I understood the rules and chose to break them, then it was my responsibility, and I could make a different choice next time.
Sometimes I did break them knowingly. My father withheld my allowance until I started going to his church with him. I'd have gone gladly if he'd told me he'd like his company, but I considered it against my personal code of honor to go to church in order to receive money. I quit going to church, and I quit getting an allowance, and I lived with that, because it was what I chose to do.
I was allowed to lobby for changes in the rules, but while they were rules, I was expected to obey them. Moreover the rules were not overly onerous or inflexible. I often did try to wheedle extra time when my mother called for example. Or I could and did argue until I was blue in the face, usually. I just argued while I followed the rules.
I was never shamed for breaking the rules. Well, I hated to disappoint my parents of course. But it was accepted that people make bad choices but that that didn't mean they were fated forever to make the same choices. The behavior was separate from the person.
Well, with my mother at least.
It seems sensible to me.
poster:Dinah
thread:905306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090707/msgs/905527.html