Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2008, at 22:35:34
In reply to Re: dinah... » Dinah, posted by star008 on March 12, 2008, at 22:18:35
That isn't what happened. I know people might think that. And I know people might think I was trying to blackmail Dr. Bob.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm a pragmatist. I don't try to change what I don't think can be changed. I just decide whether or not I can live with it. I just decide how best to proceed given what is inevitable. I used to tilt at windmills, but I don't any more. I've quit banging my head on walls. I accepted that Dr. Bob had his heart set on this. I recognized with my therapist's help that I couldn't play my role. So I did what I needed to do to stop the pain. Only to see this whole humongous thing happen.
I realize now that it wasn't so much my leaving as my telling part of why I was leaving without feeling free to tell it all without Dr. Bob's permission. I didn't want to get in trouble, as stupid as that sounds when I was leaving anyway.
And I'm glad it wasn't because I was leaving. It scared me to see what happened. It didn't make me feel better at all. Being Dinah is scary sometimes. People seem to think I'm someone that I'm not. It's a relief to know that it's because I screwed up, although I'm very sorry I screwed up.
For the record, Dr. Bob didn't ask me to explain. I've been trying to do everything I know how to calm this all down since I realized what was happening. I tried to calm it down by posting even when I really needed to stay away and get some distance. I asked Dr. Bob if I could explain because I stupidly hoped it might help. But I should have realized it wouldn't. I screwed up again.
Also, for the record, I told Dr. Bob he should address Admin before he addressed me. But I didn't refuse to discuss it if he didn't address Admin first. I guess I screwed up there too.
poster:Dinah
thread:817501
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20080204/msgs/817638.html