Posted by JLx on August 24, 2007, at 12:00:17
In reply to Redirect a thread and the 'Eating Forum', posted by Maxime on August 19, 2007, at 20:32:21
The Eating board header says:
"This is a message board for mutual support and education. It focuses on eating disorders and issues with food. I think it would make sense, however, if dieting and nutrition were discussed at Health instead."
I found the suggestion that the board encompass different perspectives similar to the Substance Abuse board an interesting one because I don't currently feel welcome at Eating with my "issues with food" -- as an actual fat person. I suspect it's unworkable, however, because while you could conceivably lump disordered eating into a common category, the psychology between people who are actually obese, or have been, from people who perceive they are when they are not, or who abhor/fear fat so much that they will do drastic things to avoid it, appears to me to be quite different.
For instance, someone who is not actually fat, i.e. objectively overweight, saying "I'm so fat, I hate this fat, I hate myself" is not something I, as an actual fat person, can appropriately respond to when the fat is not real -- as it is for me. And it can be hard to listen to people talk about the horrors of fat, the terrible meaning of fat ("lazy, a loser, pathetic, ineffectual, self-indulgent, out of control, slovenly") when your actual state is one of being fat. I felt moved to respond in that thread, but my post was obviously out of synch with the others. Which is not to say that I took any of it personally; I recognized the fat hatred as a form of self-hatred. But, otoh, fat hatred and a characterization like that is not just something subjective and SELF-punishing (it can be) but is also something real that we actual fat people get from OUTSIDE ourselves, manifesting itself in job discrimination and so forth. A different perspective, no?
When I was in Overeaters Anonymous some years ago, it was emphasized that anyone who had an "obsession with food", including anorexics and bulimics, was welcome and in my small town home meeting we had a regular who was bulimic. This worked because a 12-step program is primarily a spiritual program and all the program guidelines keep discussion and support focused in a certain way. Talk of diets or weight loss goals was frowned upon, for instance, as we were there to recover from obsession with such things. 12-step programs emphasize honesty and our bulimic member said one time that she was "living a lie" because she was as compulsive about food and ate as much as those of us who were fat, but she didn't have the consequences we had. No one knew she ate like that as the overeating didn't manifest so she received approval from society for the state of her body. She felt that that made it harder for her, because she craved that approval and felt recovery meant being willing to possibly give that up, which she found very difficult to imagine. I found that a fascinating insight that increased my compassion and understanding and I offer it here as an example of how a discussion from different perspectives may do that.
Just as when I read the Eating board I am frequently moved by the sheer level of self-hatred evidenced by those who post there with "fat" being something of a code word (as I perceive it). Yet I don't feel I have anything to offer to this discussion. It's hard to be actually fat and not hate your fat, and yourself most of the time, yet I know from very hard experience that self-hatred is no motivator for anything but depression, more self-hatred and further dysfunctional eating. So I never talk about being fat and urge myself (as I would suggest to others) to accept myself as I am; accept the fat. Only then can I approximate some peace of mind and potentially move on, which may or may not involve weight loss efforts.
I would like a board where I might talk about such things as fat acceptance, either personal or the burgeoning movement. Where I might want to talk about defining oneself as a food addict or a compulsive overeater - accepting reality or a self-defining, self-fulfilling prophesy? About obesity research, about metabolic syndrome. About fat stigma and discrimination. About "obesity epidemic" media hysteria. About a book such as "Rethinking Thin". And yes, where I might also talk about "issues with food" itself -- the whys and wherefores, the hows, whats, and whys of eating, healthy or not.
I understand and accept that the Eating board is not that board. I would like to post to such a board, however, rather than discussing "fat stigma" on the Social board, nutrition for weight issues on the Health Board, self-acceptance about fat on the Self-Esteem Board, food addiction on the Substance Abuse board, etc, because I'd like to talk to my fellow sufferers and interested parties, not just any and everybody within a more general topic.
I'm not necessarily lobbying for the type of Eating board I'd like to post to, as this may not be the place for it, but given this discussion, these are my thoughts as someone who regularly reads but does not post to the Eating Board -- where I have felt like someone, nose pressed to the glass looking in thinking, this is my issue, but where are my people?
JL
poster:JLx
thread:777193
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20070817/msgs/778315.html