Posted by JenStar on July 29, 2005, at 20:03:25
In reply to Re:Another idea, posted by Dr. Bob on July 29, 2005, at 1:06:38
Dr. Bob & all...hmmmm....other options....
I think one other option is to stay calm and collected at all times, refuse to get rattled, and firmly but civily keep telling the 'suspected troublemaker' that I feel XXX when I read YYY. But in the case of certain posters, such responses seem to have extremely little effect. It's like putting a band-aid on cancer! --- in the short term, anyway. Long term I think that approach can work, because the troubled person sees a certain stability and sees that there is only one way to communicate with you/me/etc, and that is in a civil way.
However, I still do believe that some posters get a kick out of using words to the brink of civility, and know the buttons to push to rile people up, and do it on purpose. I can't prove that, but I think I know it when I see it. In that case...ignoring is probably the best option, because that person doesn't want to reason, and wants to irritate others. But my buttons can be pretty pushable...
I think that as a group we fall prey to the 'prisoner's dilemma' when confronted with an angry trouble-making poster. To achieve the best possible outcome for the group, we should ALL ignore the poster. ALL of us, all the time. In that case, a strong silent message would be sent, and the poster would quickly change (or go away) of his/her own accord. But each of us does not believe or that others will do this, and desires to respond personally (because this is the second best option and gives immense immediate satisfaction, although it may bring long term trouble).
And then there are dozens of conflicting messages and the troubled poster does not receive a consistent message that their posts should change.
Of course, that above scenario is ldealized to assumed that everyone DOES actually want to the poster to change! I find that is really quite rare IBL ("In Babble Life.") I've found that there are people who are quite compassionate, or know something about the person that makes them more sympathetic, or are curious, or are genuinely interested -- and are not interested in making someone change or go away. So there is no formal "group think" that compels the person to act a certain way, at least not in the short term.
I think YOUR gentle method of nudging people to civility works like a tugboat pulling a barge. At first it seems to be doing nothing, but over time the efforts pay off and the huge barge moves in the right direction. I guess I just like to be 1,000 speed power boats instead of a barge! (Even if that doesn't always work!) But in general I agree with your method. I just wish it worked faster.
Hmmmmm.
I also recognize that my example of throwing stones was an imperfect analogy, because stones IRL is more damaging and potentially harmful than posts HERE. But the spirit still moves me the same way!
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:531449
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20050728/msgs/535425.html