Posted by Phil on February 12, 2004, at 23:46:21
I wanted a discussion of the board to take place but as much as I care for Dr Bob, I'm very doubtful that the impersonal, wacky policies here will ever change. I'm not attacking, this is my opinion of how to get well here.
Case in point:
KK: "I know I personally wouldn't confess to being treated unfairly if I wanted to stay..."
Phil: Did you hear what you just said? To stay on this board you would pretend to be okay when you actually believed(felt) otherwise.DR Bob: Maybe on Mars it's more important to speak out, even if that means conflict? Whereas on Venus it may be more important to get along, even if that means keeping something to oneself?
>>I have to disagree and find it hard to believe a psychiatrist would ever advise swallowing your anger when you are hurt for the sake of getting along or not getting blocked. The goal here is to "learn" how to get along. If we knew already, we wouldn't be here.
These discussions don't have to be hostile but mental health = not denying your feelings. You are only as sick as your secrets. If someone gets hurt on this board(real or perceived)from Dr Bob or another poster, Dr Bob, are you recommending they swallow their anger?I'm not saying anyone should lash out, but many people here need to know what they are feeling is valid and express, in a non-accusatorial way, that,i.e. 'Phil, what you said hurt my feelings.'
My job? Don't get defensive. "I'm sorry, what did I say that hurt you?"
'You said I should know better than that; that's what my abuser used to say.'
"I'm so sorry, I didn't think when I posted..."
Many here, me included, still struggle with interpersonal communications. I lose my temper, say something harsh and am punished for it.
If the board operates as one big dysfunctional family with no guidance, just longer vacations, we are being taught that anger is bad and we don't want you here for..well, you're up to 12 months.
This reinforces dysfunctional behavior; the board has lost it's purpose to educate and instead tries to find or lengthen punishment.
What I hope could happen is that people learn healthy ways to communicate and not be punished for the very reason they are here..and that is, to learn.It's very much like the governments idea of what is appropriate for some crimes. Instead of making efforts to help the criminal learn to get along in society, we build more prisons and stop all efforts to rehabilitate. Now, what does that person feel when released back into mainstream population after no effort to help him has happened and he was abused in prison. He's angrier and should be. His crimes escalate, we build more prisons.
That, on a lesser scale(but maybe no less harmful)is how many feel here.
That is why letting a mentally ill population self-correct and always be supportive will never happen. And if one curses, heaven forbid you lose your temper.
So, with this size of a community, there eventually will have to be knowledgeable people monitoring the board constantly. If a firestorm breaks out, you can be pulled aside and given the correct way to communicate, you settle it or you can take a few mental health days.
There is a way but it won't happen with one moderator who only has time to kick you off the board for basically not knowing better or for losing your temper. That's why once you're blocked, it sometimes escalates pretty fast. The person leaves bitter and feels more anger, more misunderstood, and alone. They may see the light two days later but their sentence is 36 weeks.
This should be seen as an online teaching center. When it was just PB it was pretty cool but as more interpersonal relationships develop, it takes careful skilled monitoring. That is, if indeed we are expected to grow here emotionally. If that isn't the purpose, more boards open so people can talk(or argue)about a variety of topics but not face the real issue: How do I face up to and grow in regards to my illness, my people skills, and my self-esteem?
I can tell you this, all the boards may make it seem like a better community when in fact, they may further lead us from our goal of becoming better communicators and better people which will lead to a better world.
Instead of distractions of where to post, we need to learn how to be better human beings.Phil
poster:Phil
thread:312679
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/312679.html