Posted by Roslynn on March 23, 2013, at 17:02:02
In reply to what the hell is next?, posted by elanor roosevelt on March 23, 2013, at 15:28:46
> listening to Bonnie Raitt today
> she just sang the way i feel:
>
> Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
> To believe in this livin' is just a hard way to go
>
> Went off the ADs 7 weeks ago
> had a good almost month
> not great
> but i was laughing
> had enough of a sense of future to put some things in place for going forward
>
> then, well then it wasn't working
> i wouldn't go back on cymbalta bc the cost is so extraordinary (got on the "lily cares" program for free cymbalta for a year but i have been waiting for months for the meds to arrive).
>
> my pdoc decided wellbutrin would be a good temp medicine bc he thought i had done well on it before. this is not true. i have never done better than mediocre on wellbutrin but i obeyed bc i was just out of ideas. had a terrible time of it. the word retrieval problems extended to sentence retrieval nightmares. but that was nothing compared with being gripped by fear. now my sick mind took a while to catch on bc i was busy backing up my state of mind with lists that constructed a reality where terror was a sensible reaction.
>
> now i'm in between AD meds (still on lithium, ativan and ambien) and crashing fast.
>
> i've been on meds now for 15 years and have spent so much time constructing stories in my head in order to take the blame for the side effects. this is the nature if the disease i guess.
>
> i have to go forward with some new meds out of desperation rather than faith in results. i hate this.Dear Elanor,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also between meds. It's awful..
When you mentioned constructing stories in your head do you mean you go through rumination/self-blame? Because I am stuck doing this...just wondered if that's what you meant.
Best,
Roslynn"You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold."
poster:Roslynn
thread:1040940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130322/msgs/1040943.html